Pop Culture

Jim Bob Duggar’s New Statement Proves That God Loves Douchebags

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5th Annual Values Voter Summit

You guys, it’s happening. I am starting to turn from being an eager hate-watcher of the Duggars for the purpose of entertainment to just full-on hating. Don’t get me wrong- as long as that show is on the air, I will watch it and recap it at length but I will feel dirty doing it. Even if it’s hate-watching for the greater good I really don’t relish the idea of helping a garbage human like Jim Bob Duggar achieve even greater fame because according to his new statement, it would appear that his haters are his motivators. In response to the Change.org petition that has been circulating for the last several months to cancel the show due to the Duggar family’s hateful views toward the LGBTQ community, JimBob Douchepants had this to say- from Eonline:

Despite plenty of buzz surrounding the Change.org petition, the patriarch behind the Duggar family said the movement never really concerned him.

“They won’t succeed,” he shared at the Booster Banquet at Hannibal-LaGrange University. “Our show is the No. 1 show on TLC. It’s a small group creating this fuss. All it has done is give us more exposure.”

Whoa, back up the train. It is a brief statement but there is a lot worth noting here. Firstly, even if there is a movement he does not agree with he does not need to be a flippant, disrespectful turd by dismissing it as “this fuss”. Hey jerk-off, “this fuss” happens to be an entire group of living, breathing humans. Humans created by YOUR God and who, if we go by Jesus and the Bible, still deserve your love despite what you think of them. It does not sound very Christian or at all loving to refer to their concerns as “this fuss” when those concerns center around them wanting a life with all of the same rights that Jim Bob’s life as a hetero white male affords him. In light of the sensitive nature of the topic, it would have been a classy move for Jim Bob to either not acknowledge it at all or to do so humbly. As I understand it, pride is one of the seven deadly sins so him bragging in this way is very un-Jesus-y. Tsk tsk, Jim Boob.

Now, here is the part where I realized God must really love douchebags:

In fact, Jim Bob claimed the family’s Facebook page gained an impressive 50,000 “likes” in one week following the petition.

He added, “God is expanding our borders through the national media.”

Ugh, God. Can you effing not? If this is in fact the work of our Lord and Savior, He needs to pump the brakes and really assess his life choices as of late. It makes me so sad that there are apparently thousands of people in America that do agree with the Duggars abhorrent views and to see Jim Bob gloating over this “win” makes me ill. How totally callous and insensitive of him to take this as an opportunity to do a media victory lap and to remind us all that his family are far from the only hateful people we share this planet with. He goes on to add an incredibly insincere closing statement:

The original petition, created in early November, accused the famous family of being anti-gay. In fact, the site hoped to “end LGBTQ fear mongering by the Duggars.”

When asked about the allegations, Jim Bob responded, “We love everybody, but we don’t always agree with them.”

Yeah. I’m pretty sure we all feel the love, don’t we? Especially when his poodle-haired wife Michelle made that disgusting robo-call trying to convince her fellow voters of the evils of transgender people being legally allowed to use the right bathroom. That seemed so loving and accepting, didn’t it? And Jim Bob, I’ve gotta say, you do have the right to not agree with them just like millions of people do not agree with you and your vile hatred. That said, can’t you just shut the fuck up and sit in your stupid house and disagree with them there? Why do you need to take your disagreement to a whole other level by actively trying to prevent people from being equal in the eyes of the law? If they are equal in the eyes of God, which I am pretty sure is a notion you are supposed to buy into, then why is it so unacceptable to you that us mere mortals adopt that same view? Love them. Accept them. Live your life as you please and let others do the same. Two gay people getting married will not stop you from humping your crazy-eyed wife and won’t stop your children from churning out more members of your creepy army of bigots. Just live and let live, Jim Bob. I’m pretty sure that its what Jesus would do.

(Feature Image: Brendan Hoffman/Getty Images)