19 Kids And Counting: Meet Anna’s Sister Priscilla And Her Crazy Eyes

Oh my God, you guys. Last night’s episode was so amazing for our purposes and I am overcome with joy. So many incredible little tidbits we can laugh at and some hard Duggar truths learned at the very end. Buckle up tight in your 20-year old RV, it’s going to be a wild ride on this week’s recap of 19 Kids and Counting!

First of all, let’s get our prayer circle or intentions or whatever going on so we send out “Not Pregnant Anna” vibes into the universe. We don’t find out until the very end of the episode so just stay strong with me here. Lean on Denim Jesus if you need to, I won’t judge.

Opening scene, and of course, Anna looks adorable. Her and Josh (aka, The Paunch- or, as fantastic Mommyish reader Spongeworthy says, “a loaf of Wonderbread left out in the rain”) have arrived in Chicago on schedule to attend her sister Priscilla Waller’s gender reveal party (gag). Now, here is the meat of this entire episode. PRISCILLA. I spent a lot of the episode just sort of stunned at the level of Crazy Eyes going on. She makes Michelle Duggar look positively lucid and normal in her level of enthusiasm about life. She’s like a programmed fundie fembot, ready to agree with everything her husband and The Lord tell her to do. It was oddly fascinating to witness, not gonna lie.

At this point, I am wondering why they are even having a gender reveal party. I mean, besides the fact that they are dumb and gift grabby, these people operate on the notion that every baby is from The Lord and loved and wanted. So, why does the gender matter enough to throw a parade when they find out? Anywho, as mentioned last week, every guest is to arrive dressed in the color of what “team” they are on. Anna is in pink along with her daughter and of course, Paunch is in blue.

We cut to Priscilla gushing about the wonder that is this gender reveal party and how they were going to find out on their own, but David (her incredibly creepy husband) wanted to wait and find out at the party. What her spiritual leader says goes, I suppose.

Priscilla’s favorite word is “YASSSSSSS!” She says it all.the.freaking.time. I am guessing it’s just to keep her in the proper mode as Biblical wife, being pliant and servile and all. Basically, her husband speaks and she says “YAASSSSSS”. Lord, help me. I can barely tolerate it.

We cut to some quick fundamentalist Christian home-schooling biology where Paunch informs us that it will be “either a boy or a girl”. Thanks, Josh. I thought it could possibly be a Stormtrooper or a Furby. I’m glad we got that cleared up.

The magical box of balloons decorated with a terrifying caricature of David and Priscilla is opened and, ZOMG IT’S A GIRRLLL! Which I already knew because the Waller’s suck at social media and had already revealed the gender on Twitter (yes, I follow them. For research). The baby’s name is Davia, by the way. After the family’s spiritual leader himself.

We are treated to a quick clip reel of Anna and Josh’s gender reveals and holy shit, when were Anna’s teeth fixed? I think she wins my vote for favorite TLC-sanctioned Duggar make-over. The difference between six years ago and now is positively striking. Good for her- she looks hot now. The scene ends with Priscilla absolutely thrillllllled that it’s a girl and she gets to go shopping. I can’t really blame her for being SO excited. I guess this is kind of like her high school and college graduation plus, being hired at her first job all at once. The only big milestones these girls get in life are their babies- no wonder they party down.

The next day, the whole crew heads to downtown Chicago in the Duggar’s giant RV. That seems like a recipe for a sensible trip in an urban area with four small children in tow, right? Easy to park, easy to drive. Of course, the wifeys have no say so they just buckle up the kids and keep their lips zipped. Way to know your role, ladies.

They arrive at Willis Tower, which is apparently the tallest tower in Chicago, or maybe the world. I don’t know because I was too distracted by my worry for poor Anna. She says heights are one of her greatest fears but of course, the head of the family wants to go so she has no choice. She holds up admirably but as a fellow hater of heights, my heart was pounding for her the whole time.

Once they are done staring down from the top of the tower, they are treated to a private Chicago deep-dish pizza making session. Duggar privilege at it’s finest. I want to go around the country posing as a Duggar so I can do some cool shit. Josh only eats one slice of his and says he’s full and I practically fall off my couch from shock. Way to let me down, Paunch.

The ladies go shopping for Priscilla’s new baby girl and oh my stars, they leave the MENFOLK with all four kids! Time for hi-jinks! They have to go to the hardware store and take the kids with them. I’m sure this was a plot point “suggested” by TLC although I must admit, Josh has a very easy way about him when he is alone with the kids. He may be all sorts of douchey but he is a good dad. David does not seem nearly as comfortable.

My suspicions about David being a little shaky are confirmed when we cut from Anna and Priscilla’s shopping trip back to the hardware store and David’s toddler son has escaped out the door. In the interview segment with his wife, he recounts the tale and she asks “Was anyone with him?” and David chuckles and says “Uhh…God was with him!” And then I died laughing and missed the next two minutes of dialogue, so forgive me. I did catch Priscilla with a look on her face that said “if I weren’t so servile, I would cut your balls off for almost losing my kid”. Good for you, P. I don’t have to lose all hope for you just yet.

Back to the baby shopping (at the consignment store, naturally) and Anna is looking kinda pregnant. I think I even caught her rubbing her belly. Ugh, I have a pit in my own belly- I SO want her to remain Not Pregnant. They get to the register and have spent $174.92 on baby clothes. They crow about “buy used and save the difference” but it’s only one bag of clothes so I am not impressed. I think I will stick to “buy new and save jackshit” because I am incredibly lazy. I would be a bad fundamentalist Christian wife, methinks.

Lord Jesus David decided the lady folk needed to try camping. Well, he has already forced Priscilla to go but Anna has not been since childhood when she camped in the backyard once and a raccoon tried nibbling her toes. My poor, sweet Anna! The girls start assembling foil dinners for the trip and I decide at this point that Priscilla has all the good drugs because no one should be this excited about putting rutabagas in a foil pouch. Is it just the Jesus shining through? If so, maybe I should try church.

I am kind of speechless at the overall amazingness of David and Priscilla. They need their own show, ok, TLC? If you guys think the Duggars are “different”, then you would be totally bowled over by the Waller family. Anyway, we see David hauling out supplies for the camping trip including a club-sized jar of pickles. Wild times ahead, folks.

They pull away in the RV and it is making terrible fart noises and everyone looks a little concerned that maybe the Little Engine That Could might decide mid-trip that it can’t. Priscilla, complete with a child-like pink ribbon tied to her ponytail, does her level best to appear cheerful in the face of her abject terror at the rickety RV’s potential to leave her stranded in the wilderness with her creepy husband. I don’t blame her.

They arrive unscathed (of course) and as it turns out, the wives will be left to care for the children while the menz go fishing on a chartered boat! This is the most bullshit camping trip of all time. It’s far too luxurious. David catches a seven pound lake trout and Josh retaliates with a bruising one pounder he has to throw back due to Michigan fishing laws. Poor Paunchy.

They return to the campsite to enthusiastic greetings from their women and get ready to set up dinner. Josh and Anna are talking another baby in the interview and they cut to a quick scene of Josh rubbing her belly at the campsite. They are teasing the shit out of this possible pregnancy and I am way too nervous.

We see a few more minutes of the campfire dinner situation and my God, Priscilla is SO EXCITED about these effing foil dinners. Either that or her Crazy Eyes are actually a distress signal she is trying to broadcast to the rest of us so we can rescue her from her servitude. I note that they seem to be burning blocks of finished wood instead of logs and decide once and for all that the Duggar-Waller camping trip is camping in name only. We all knew Paunch couldn’t hack it in the actual wilderness.

Ok, the moment we have all been waiting for and that has been teased for a full two episodes is here. IS ANNA DUGGAR PREGNANT?! Josh mentions that Anna has been talking about babies a lot lately with her sister being pregnant and that it might be time. Wait, what? This is that hard Duggar truth I told you would come out. By all accounts, it would seem that Anna and Josh are PLANNING their babies! Like, actual discussions occur about when to get pregnant instead of just mashing their privates together and shouting out a Hail Mary. Amazing.

Josh is laying on the bed looking like this is no big deal and a TLC camera crew is not there recording this very private moment. Anna comes out of the bathroom with her pee stick in hand. She sits next to him on the bed and they peer at it together. And…..IT’S NEGATIVE!! Josh looks genuinely sad. I think he feels like maybe the Lord doesn’t love him anymore. If I am not mistaken, Anna doesn’t look too torn up about it and says she’s sad but I see that naughty twinkle in her eye. That’s our girl.

Guys, I am so sad- next week is the season finale! I am wondering if this was just the calm before the storm and maybe we will find out that Anna actually IS pregnant. She might just need one of Michelle’s magic pregnancy tests like Jill did. Stay tuned and hope with me for an empty uterus!

(Image: Defy Media)