You guys, I’m flagging over here. It’s Day Four of winter break and the kids have worn me down to a nub. I am trying to get my work done and it is freezing outside so we are all cooped up indoors. That means they want me to play with them. Or tell them what to play with. It’s making me remember my own childhood where my brothers and I just occupied ourselves. My mom did her thing, we did ours. As my kids pop up every 10 minutes needing something, I find myself pining for a simpler time for moms. A time where no one worried about shouting at their kids to go away and find something to do. Moms were not the court jester. Kids played on their own without prodding from their parents. That time would be the 1970’s, and probably the 80’s too. I feel like we can get back to the 1970’s parenting style if we follow these simple steps:
1. Scream “Get out of my hair!” when they ask to be entertained.
And don’t feel guilty for even a second. You have Mom Stuff to do. You don’t need to be coming up with activities for your rug-rats.
2. Make whatever you damn well please for dinner.
There is no asking for opinions from the kids or accommodating everyone’s picky requests. You make one dinner. They eat it or go hungry.
3. Get them a step stool to reach the cupboards.
How else can they fetch and prepare their own snacks? You’re not a servant and Days of Our Lives isn’t going to watch itself now, is it?
4. Forget a babysitter, hang a key around their neck.
Kids of a certain age are capable of being home alone briefly. Now, this would be fodder for a CPS visit. Then, it was just saving money on a baby-sitter.
5. Have zero idea what toys they have and definitely never play with those toys.
They are toys. They are for kids. Why do moms need to worry about it?
6. When they need something and you are on the phone, ignore them.
You don’t hang up on someone because your kid wants to play Candyland. They can wait until after you’re done on the phone and after you have another cigarette, dammit.
7. If they say they are bored, lock them out of the house.
If the kids complain about being bored, out the door they go. They will learn pretty quickly not to complain.
8. Never, for one moment, worry that you are a bad mother.
There is no such thing as Mommy Guilt for the 1970’s mom. Fed? Clothed? Sheltered? Wonderful. Back to reading magazines and sipping instant coffee.