being a mom

10 Things A Minivan Needs Before I’d Be Caught Dead Driving One

By  | 

shutterstock_15995449 (1)

If you are like me, a relatively young mother still desperately clinging to her last whiff of cool, you might be fighting the whole minivan thing. I have several friends who tout them as a life-changing phenomenon that they could never do without now that they are acquainted with its magic. Despite their cheery infomercial-like diatribes about the greatness of their Honda Odyssey and it’s built-in DustBuster, I remain unconvinced. I only have two children so for now, my small SUV is fine but we are getting a new car sometime in the next year so this has been on my mind lately. I do want another row of seating as we are getting into the years where our older child wants to bring a friend when we go somewhere or when I will need to take a turn in the carpool. Logically, I know the minivan is probably my best bet. Stubbornly, I remain skeptical of it’s supposed wonders. Because of my lukewarm feelings about minivans I would need them to have more than a few extra cup holders and automatic doors to woo me. See below for my list of fantasy minivan features that might convince me to own one.

1. Partition to block out whining children

2. Car seats that fold away at the push of a button so you can stop struggling to remove them

3. Fully stocked passenger side mini bar for those really long trips

4. Crumb-sensing Roomba that operates on its own

5. Censor button on the radio so you can listen to Lady Gaga without teaching your kids to say bitch

6. A nanny that pops out for trips exceeding two hours

7. Jet packs for when you are running late

8. Your angry face silk-screened on the back of the seats to keep them in line so you can stop turning around and making yourself dizzy

9. Hidden closet with full changes of clothes for the whole family for those times when someone ruins their outfit

10. Megaphone to get kids attention so they can’t pretend they don’t hear you

(Image: Monkey Business Images)