Pop Culture

19 Kids And Counting: In Which Jill Has A Mansion And Jessa Has Mold

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Now, it’s time to talk to Jessa and Ben. Jill’s wedding is over and Jessa is engaged, so she and Ben are “planning” their wedding. I use quotation marks because listening to them talk, it could not be more clear that this is just a front for the TLC cameras. They know nothing. Literally nothing. Jessa plunks a few keys on her adorbs pink laptop while Ben says “uhhhh we gotta have a practice wedding too, right?” Ladies and gentlemen, I present, an 8th grade home-school education.

Jessa babbles about what an “amazing” guy Ben is and how “amazing” their proposal was. Everyone, let’s pray on getting Jessa a thesaurus. One with real words in it, not just God words. Girlfriend needs to diversify her adjectives.

They talk about the need to stick to a budget for the wedding and Jessa says not a budget, just spending as little as possible. She does not want a cake, only ice cream. And hot dogs will be served. I can’t make this up. They are doing my job for me at this point. Jessa says they can use Jill’s old decorations and estimates they will invite “1300 or 1000 people.” Michelle stops over to weigh in (which was not at all staged and prompted by the TLC production crew) and is all wide-eyed amazement at Jessa’s “opinions.” Like, that she has them. Jessa is officially the Duggar Rebel.

Jessa states that she wants the wedding at the Duggar home and Michelle looks a bit taken aback noting that the septic system had issues during Jill’s wedding and that was just with visitors, not the reception being there. Jessa obviously gives not even a single fuck and goes on to tell Michelle about how she wants “no mints, no cake”, just ice cream. While Michelle’s Crazy Eyes go huge, it becomes clear that Jessa’s had about enough of her shit. She gives the world’s most irritated chuckle and Ben looks bewildered. All of this womanly subtext is way below his level of understanding. I think if his brain waves were printed out in words it would just say “boobs….Cheetos…..cars….Jesus….booobies….” He’s not working with much upstairs, for sure.

Now this is the part where I got a little irritated. They talk about how they spend $10-20K on their weddings. That includes everything-decor, dresses, food, drink, band and whatever else. They invite over 1000 people. I’m sorry, but to invite that many people and spend $10-20 a head? It’s one thing if you need to keep the budget super low and want to only invite your nearest and dearest but this is such a disgusting cash grab, it makes me sick. If they want to stick to a small budget, invite less people. So tacky, Duggars.

Moving on, Jessa and Ben take several tiny sibling chaperones on a trip to see the house Jim Bob is gifting to them post-wedding. It was Anna and Josh’s house when they first got married. It’s like, where all the magic happens for Duggar newlyweds (again, barf bucket.) As they are walking through, they note mold in several rooms. Maybe that’s why Josh is losing hair so rapidly. Five years in this place and it just started to burn off from the mold fumes. This place is basically a shack compared to Jill’s palace and this is not lost on the viewer. TLC made a point of interviewing Jessa where she notes that Jill and Derick got the bigger house because it’s closer to Derick’s work. She then goes into a spiel about benefits of small house life, namely, not having to clean it. Yeah, guys. I don’t know about you, but I would definitely prefer the moldy hovel over the HGTV Dream Home, amirite? Oh, Jessa. You tried.

As they walk through the house, Jessa narrates Josh and Anna’s time there. She points out a nasty mattress and mentions how Anna had their babies in that house. My God, Jim Bob. These kids are moving into the Duggar Love Shack. At least give them mattresses free of baby juices from their older siblings.

So, Ben is allergic to mold and looks positively disgusted by this whole situation. I feel you, Ben. When someone tries to give me a free house, I definitely get upset at the things I might have to fix to make it habitable. Jessa says if they can’t get rid of the mold, they may need to find “someplace else to live” but with Jim Bob holding the purse strings, I’m thinking that would mean back in Ben’s creepy barn attic bedroom. Hey, they could make like Mary and Joseph and literally have their first baby in a barn! So authentic.

Jill and Derick are going to have all of the little Duggar daughters to their house for a sleepover! They have been married a whole two weeks at this point-why would they want to be alone together when they could be surrounded by shrieky little girls? Jill goes shopping for some dress-up clothes for them to play with and boy, is she thirsty for a baby. She ventures over to the tiny clothes and starts plucking them off the racks to google over. Poor Jill. Be a 23-year old newlywed and go home and have sex with your husband, Ned Flanders.

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