10 Reasons Jill Duggar’s Fetus Should Thank Jesus He’s A Boy
It’s a big day for the Duggar-Dillard clan! After 18 weeks of updates on registering for orange soda, horking for the Lord and writing out Bible verses to read on index cards during labor (because THAT will happen) we have finally found out the news that Jill is gestating a bouncing, Duggar-Dillard baby boy!
According to People, Derick is positively thrilled because obviously, a penis-haver is what every family needs to properly kick things off:
“I was really excited,” says Derick, 25. “As a new dad, to have a firstborn son to be our first child and be the leader of his siblings, it is very special.”
Naturally, we all know someone with a vagina can’t be the sibling leader. They are too busy raising their younger siblings, working shifts in the family cafeteria and bleeding on everything.
Seeing Derick’s reaction and knowing what we know about how life goes for a girl in this family, I’m sure that inside of his mother’s #blessed uterus, this fetus is thanking Jesus he’s a boy. Here are the reasons why:
1. He Will Be Free From A Life In Denim Shackles
Unlike his mom and aunts, this boy will never know how hard life is when shuffling around in a long, narrow, denim prison. Praise Jesus.
2. He Can Get Haircuts Whenever He Wants
He will never have to worry that his creepy Grandpa Jim Bob prefers long, curly locks. He can run around freshly crew-cutted.
3. HE CAN WEAR PANTS
This may be the best part of all. After watching his poor aunt Johannah trying to negotiate climbing onto a horse in a long skirt, the world saw just how hard life is if you are not allowed to wear pants. He is FREE, like his sinful cousin Amy.
4. No Cooking, Sewing Or Babysitting
He gets to do Manly Things like riding a tractor and being The Leader. No grunt work and baking pies for him!
5. He Can Be Unmarried Without Being Labeled A Spinster
His poor aunt Jana is in the news lately for being thought of as a “spinster” at the age of 24. Her twin brother John-David seems to escape any of that kind of talk even though he is not dating anyone either. Seems legit.
6. No Worries About Causing Lustful Thoughts With A Glimpse Of Knee
We all know that seeing lady skin can derail a Godly young man from his righteous path. He will never need to worry about being some poor guy’s “stumbling block” and he will surely have a cadre of sisters one day who can whisper “Nike” when a slutty temptress is near in her v-neck t-shirt.
7. He Can Have Any Career He Wants
We have yet to see a Duggar woman be anything but a mom or a mid-wife. Oh, wait- Jinger is a photographer for sport. There is nothing wrong with any of those paths but it would seem they are the only options. Meanwhile, Josh Duggar has a fledging career in politics, John-David owns and operates Duggar Towing and works as a volunteer firefighter and Joseph is also a firefighter. Baby Dilly can do anything he wants!
8. He Will Never Have To “Submit” To Anyone
According to his grandmother Michelle, a wife has to submit to her husband and do The Sex whenever he wants. He will always be on the winning end of that arrangement.
9. He Will Not Have To Bear The Burden Of Eve
He can sit on all available household surfaces any day of the month without fear that he will leak the liquid sin on everything.
10. He Can Freely Express His Thoughts And The Wymens All Have To Listen
As the Duggars frequently mention, the father is the “spiritual leader” of the house and makes all of the important decisions. Basically, this kid will have it made because he has the right parts.
(Image: Twitter)
