Pop Culture

19 Kids And Counting: The Wedding Looms And Jessa Continues Her Anti-Cake Campaign

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Dun dun da duuuuun. Wedding bells are almost ringing for Jessa and Ben as TLC continues to draw out the pre-wedding shenanigans for as long as humanly possible! Last night, we got a whole hour out of basically nothing — I felt so cheap afterwards falling for the previews that “big things” were going to happen. Man, the Duggars are cash cows for this network. Anyway, let’s get moving as we obsess over the latest episode of 19 Kids and Counting.

The wedding of the year (well, the second wedding of the year) for the Duggar family is only a week away and Jessa thinks she has this shit on lock. She has her dress, the bridesmaids dresses, the venue is picked and the terrible, amateur invites have been sent to approximately every Christian family in the Arkansas state limits. Jessa and Ben do some teenagerly whining about how it’s taking too long to get to the wedding and Ben is all “it’s like being a kid…are we there yet?” and I’m all drinking and Duggaring, shouting at the TV that you ARE a kid, Ben! Jesus Henry Christ.

Anyway, Jessa is like, so over it with wedding planning and clearly, just wants to move on to The Sex with her teenage husband and who can blame her? Helping out around the homestead with your 15 brothers and sisters or humping your new husband in his attic apartment? It’s a no-brainer. They go on a little trip with their chaperone du jour, Jeremiah, to get their marriage license and they pay the $60 fee with what is undoubtedly Jim Boob cash.

The little old marriage licensing clerk blabbers about how he did Jill and Derick’s license too and omg, this is boring. TLC must have realized that and manufactured some drama involving Ben and Jessa’s officiant. It sounds like he might not be able to do a ceremony in the state of Arkansas which obviously means doom and a suspenseful commercial break. We then find out that he could just send a copy of his certificate and pay $5 in any county in Arkansas and he’s all set. I love how TLC tried to make this seem so dire. The desperation for an interesting plot point is readily apparent. They get their license and go on their merry way and I can already see Ben trying desperately to read it. You’ll get there, Derp.

Michelle is concerned about pulling everything off for the wedding (which is dumb because we already know it’s all good) and she’s in the kitchen with a giant pile of tulle on the counter. We find out that it’s actually Grandma Duggar’s wedding gown, which Michelle reminds us half a dozen times that she wore too when she married The Boob. Turns out they are cutting pieces of the tulle underskirts and making little talismans for every Duggar daughter on their wedding day. This is actually kind of sweet but I’m sure Jessa won’t give a shit. Michelle makes a little tulle flower to stick in the bouquet and says they will surprise her with it on her wedding day. Jessa better have her best Resting Bitch Face all ready for the occasion.

(Related: 19 Kids And Counting: Jessa’s Dress And Planning The World’s Most No-Fun Wedding)

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