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19 Kids And Counting: This Wedding Was So Sweet We Almost Can’t Snark. Almost.

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The big day finally arrived and I can tell you with a creepy Jim Bob gleam in my eye that it was everything I had dreamed of and more. Much like Jill, I have been eagerly awaiting this event for months. Obviously not for the same reasons, but I digress. Let’s get started- there is so much here and it’s all just absolutely delicious. It’s time for the 19 Kids And Counting wedding episode we have all been waiting for!

We start off with the usual- Jill telling us she is getting married, Michelle, wild-eyed and breathy, explaining that this is THE FIRST DAUGHHHTER to get married. I really wish she would drop the act with the soft voice. I have heard her on the edge, about to snap, and I found it far more appealing than the fake shit. We hear again from Jim Bob how sad he is to lose his household help daughter to her new Spiritual Leader, Derick Dillard. Now, I need to tell you- Jim Bob was in some state of verklempt for most of this episode and by the end, I just wanted to punch him in the nose. You’ve gotta do this for eight more daughters, buddy- pull yourself together.

We learn that over 200 volunteers came to help set up for this wedding. 200 volunteers! That is how many people came to my wedding TOTAL. The wedding planner was all thrilled and saying how wonderful it was and all I could think was how much more wonderful it would have been if this happened at a soup kitchen or something. This is a wedding for a wealthy reality show family- it’s not a charity.

We get a brief, creepy interview from our favorite paunchy 26-year old, Josh Duggar. He waxes poetic about how he can’t believe his baby sister is getting married. We get a little more bitterness from him later, so stay tuned. For now, he’s being kind of sweet and I almost forgot that I saw him on Twitter this weekend standing in front of a banner reading “1 Man + 1 Woman= MARRIAGE”. It’s easy to forget the ugly underbelly of this “wholesome family” charade so I am reminding you. You’re welcome.

Anna Duggar starts talking about something but it doesn’t really matter what because all I can think about is how HOT she looks. Good for her. Her husband gets more and more unattractive and she is getting cuter every week. And I want to know what fundie voodoo birth control she is using to stay unpregnant for this long. I love this unspoken story line so very much. The idea that she is somehow tricking that doughy goofball into not getting her pregnant makes my heart sing. Four for you, Anna Duggar. You GO, Anna Duggar.

Jill starts talking about how tough it is planning a wedding with such a short engagement but *wink wink* she and Derick have extra big motivation for getting hitched. (Hint: The Sex). I love that this whole timeline is dictated by their aching virgin loins.

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