Food Network Claims this ‘Peanut Butter Hack’ Will Change Your Life
Parents love hacks, right? Anything to make our jobs just a little bit easier. We’ve seen parenting hacks, new baby hacks, kitchen hacks. But what about a peanut butter hack? The Food Network posted a quick “tutorial” on making peanut butter easier (LOL), and let’s just say, we don’t think the Food Network gets what a hack actually is.
The peanut butter hack involves like 15 extra steps in preparing a PB&J. Hacks by design should make things easier, Food Network.
Apparently, people struggle with making peanut butter sandwiches? This is news to us. Normally, the only issue we have is covering our knuckles with peanut butter, but that’s what tongues are for.
If you’re like this contributor and can’t spread peanut butter on bread without mangling the bread, then this is the hack for you! Just follow these 20 simple and time-consuming steps.
Step 1: toss out the ruined bread, you won’t need that for a couple of hours. Step 2: get wax paper (add another step if you don’t have wax paper, but you’re a good mom so you should, right?). Lay out your wax paper and then glob peanut butter all over it (do Step 3 while ignoring the cries of your hungry children, who’re now mad they didn’t ask for a Lunchable).
Now, for step 4, you’re gonna want to spread that peanut butter all over your wax paper. Then onto step 5: fold it over, get a rolling pin (WTF it’s a sandwich, why is she doing this), and roll it out.
After you’ve rolled out the PEANUT BUTTER (seriously, why), simply put it in the freezer for step 6. Steps 7-16 require you to do something to distract your hangry kid hoards while the stupid peanut butter you need for their stupid sandwich is freezing. Throw some goldfish at them and watch them fight it out.
After the peanut butter is frozen, you’re done! LOL JK, you’re not. Take it out, get your kitchen shears (unless your kids have absconded with them in an attempt to cut through the bones of the raw chicken they’re ravaging), and cut the frozen peanut butter into squares. Steps 17 and 18, done.
Once you have your peanut butter squares, you’ll need some bread. Remember, you’ve tossed the bread you destroyed in your misguided attempts at spreading the peanut butter initially. So get fresh bread. Nice bread. Pretty bread. Put a slice of frozen peanut butter on it. Add whatever you want. This woman chose honey and sprinkles for an open-faced sandwich for her toddler, but you don’t want to do that. That’s really dumb.
Now, steps 19-20 require you to wait until the peanut butter is thawed enough to eat it! By this time, we’re assuming you’ve been attacked by your kids who’re now starving and have gone rabid. So these steps also include self-defense.
And now you’re done! And the peanut butter hack has ruined your life. Easy peasy! The comments on the video are HILARIOUS. No one could believe this shit, Food Network.