mom fun

How To Spot A Mom From A Mile Away Even When She’s Not With Her Kids

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woman with binocularsAs you enter the radius of the local watering hole (i.e. Starbucks) you may find yourself wondering which of these women are #basic moms, and therefore potential mom friends, and which of them are just #basic. Ignore the stereotypes about out of shape women wearing mom jeans and bad haircuts. All women, regardless of whether their wombs have ever been occupied, know the wondrous comfort that is the legging. Moms have gotten very good at blending into crowds, but there are still ways to spot us, even when we aren’t with our offspring.

Step 1: Examine your subject.

Look for unidentifiable stains in the bra region, on the back (which indicates an infant at home) and smears that vaguely resemble peanut butter around mid thigh from toddlers demanding “Up”. Dribbles of food in the hair or on the chest could be clues as well from a meal taken in a hurry or a secret cookie rendezvous in the pantry. They could mean the person is simply messy.

Check out her jewelry. Many moms save dangly earrings for special occasions when there isn’t a baby around to grab at them, but for some moms, getting a chance to grab a latte alone is an event worthy of her fanciest hoops and makeup. Look for “push present” necklaces inscribed with birth dates or pendants that could be birthstones of multiple kids. Teething necklaces are a dead give away. And if your subject has medium to long hair, she will likely have a hair elastic on her wrist because you never know when you’ll need to pull back the mane to deal with a diaper situation.

Step 2: Observe her movements.

A mom will automatically grab extra napkins out of habit along with her drink. She may caution strangers about various hazards, such as that milk pitcher being dangerously close to the edge of the table or a stray laptop cord one could trip over. When she sits down at the table, the mom will use an antibacterial wipe from her bag to clean her hands and the surrounding area because she knows all to well the struggles of dealing with sick children while being ill yourself.

Speaking of handbags, the mom may carry an obvious diaper bag instead of a purse because she finds it easier than transferring her wallet, keys, lip balm and phone back and forth. An oversized bag could also mean your in the presence of a mom, as not all diaper bags scream “Baby on Board.”

Step 3: Watch her actions.

Persistent use of a smartphone isn’t indicative of someone’s mommy status, but in the event her phone rings a mother will answer immediately in case the call is in regards to her kids. If an infant or small child in the vicinity starts to cry, the mom’s instincts will cause her ears to perk up and immediately look in that direction, though a cool mom knows better than to interfere with the parenting of another person’s kid.

Step 4: Or you could just ask her.

There only surefire way to satisfy your curiosity and know if a woman is a mom is to ask her directly. Otherwise we will continue to walk among you undetected and unfettered.

(image: Kiselev Andrey Valerevich/