The 7 Stages Of Coping With Your Toddler’s Cold

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The average preschooler gets about nine colds a year. Purely coincidentally, the average parent of a preschooler gets the urge to disappear into the night and take a child-free drive to the Grand Canyon about nine times a year. Here are the seven stages you’ll face when your toddler catches one of those nine-odd colds.

1. Self-delusion

bilbo baggins hobbit nope


That’s not a cold. Your kid isn’t sick! Your toddler’s nose is just dripping because she’s suddenly developed an allergy to the paint in the living room, probably. Was that a sneeze? No, she’s just making funny noises while she practices words. With her nose. Yeah.

2. Self-congratulation

saved by the bell patting self on the back


You know what? It’s okay that your little guy caught a cold. That means he’s getting his immune system challenged and getting exposed to germs now is better for him in the long run. Sure, it might be frustrating in the short term, but having a sick kid really just means you’re doing a good job as a parent. Go you!

3. Stiff upper lip

amanda bynes nervous smile


After a week of steady nose-fauceting, confidence starts to get shaky. It’s okay. How much longer can one little cold last, anyway?

4. Cracks appearing in the facade

101 dalmatians smoking


You’re trying to come up with ways to assign a quantity to the volume of snot coming out of your kid’s face in order to try to prove that she’s getting better. she has to be getting better, right? RIGHT?!

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