What Your Birth Order Says About You
Unless youâ€™ve been living under a rock, you probably know by now that the order in which you were born in your family shapes your personality. I can attest to that because I am the annoying oldest child to a T. Iâ€™m responsible, Iâ€™m scheduled, Iâ€™m organized, I can be obsessive, and I often boss my brother and sister around and drive them crazy.
Of course, not all stereotypes are 100% true, but itâ€™s pretty interesting to see what your birth order says about youâ€”kinda like reading your horoscope. If anything, you can use your birth order in the family as justification for why you act the way you do. If you throw a hissy fit because your dad wonâ€™t let you carve the turkey on Thanksgiving â€œjust this once,â€ you are obviously the baby of the family. If you sit and brood during family fights and run out in the yard to smoke cigarettes behind the shed later, congratulationsâ€”youâ€™re a middle child.
Are these birth order stereotypes fact or fiction? Hereâ€™s what your birth order says about you:
1. Oldest Child: Youâ€™re a cautious, controlling, over-achieving, perfectionist, and nobody does it better than you.
Translation: Your sibs think you are ANNOYING AS FUCK and donâ€™t deserve all of the privileges in the family.
Prediction For The Month: Your younger siblings will try to overthrow your leadership role by boycotting your monthly family brunch with Grandma catered at your house. Youâ€™ll get the last laugh when Grandma slips you a $50 for being the only grandchild to show up.
2. Middle Child: You are the face of â€œmiddle child syndrome.â€ Most often, you feel overlooked and rejected as the child caught in the middle in the house.
Translation: Nobody in your family recognizes your awesome-sauce. You plot how you will graduate with honors and start your own brilliant entrepreneurial-dotcom-biz from the privacy of your secret hiding spot behind the shed as you chain-smoke cigarettes.
Prediction For The Month: Donâ€™t attend that stupid, boring Grandma brunch. Your older sister is a spotlight-hogging bitch.
3. Youngest Child: You are often called the â€œbaby of the familyâ€ and bask in pampering and special treatment from your parents and older siblings. Expect even more favor if you are the baby of a very large family. Milk it for all itâ€™s worth.
Translation: You may never have to pay for a meal, but everyone in your family thinks youâ€™re a mooch. Not to fear, you can work this to your advantage. Every time you do something even remotely adult, like paying your bills on time, your parents will send out a newsletter in your honor.
Prediction For The Month: Claim that you will attend the boring Grandma brunch until the very last second, and then bail for a Netflix marathon. No one will call you on your shit anyway. Itâ€™s the perfect crime.