Mom friends are really hard to come by. Trust me, I know. I have had a really hard time making mom friends in my area, so thank God for all of my wonderful friends here on Mommyish. (I truly mean that when I say it. My Mommyish friends have saved my sanity.) I also have several friends who have become moms who unfortunately live in other states. We still communicate through Facebook, but it’s not the same. I so desperately wish that they lived close by.
Once you get a mom friend, you better keep her. There’s nothing worse than making a wonderful mom-friend-unicorn in your area who you think is legitimately cool, only to lose her friendship a few months later. Your kids play well together, your husbands get along, you actually enjoy talking to her about non-mom things, and then BAM! You step in a landmine, and your friendship is over.
If you want to keep your mom friend, you need to be sensitive to a few hot button parenting topics. Here are 10 sure ways to offend a friend and lose her for good:
1. Schedule a playdate and then don’t show up. Flaky friends always get a black mark in my book.
2. Hover over your kid during playtime. Talk using the voice of your child and blame fights on your friend’s child. ”Why won’t Aiden give you the tractor back? Is he a meanie?”
3. Comment on how your kid has hit all his milestones early. Comparing kids is the best way to lose a friend for good.
4. Ask if her child has been tested for fill-in-the-blank. ”Oh, Aiden isn’t walking yet? Has he been tested for LEPROSY?”
6. Ask her to judge your parenting. Ask for her opinion on co-sleeping, breast-feeding, or potty training, and then get offended at her response.
7. Share scary parenting stories that you read on the Internet. Make sure not to cite your sources.
8. Ask about her birth experience. Remember to feign interest and then compare her labor time and outcome to yours in a passive aggressive manner.
9. Gossip about her parenting with other mom friends. This is the perfect way to implode a mom group. Take notes.
10. Bring up one of the Big Three parenting debates and start an argument. SAHM versus working mom, vaccination versus anti-vaxx, breast-feeding versus formula-feeding””take your pick.