motherhood

There’s No Excuse For Being A Bad Friend After You Become A Mom

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shutterstock_46772281Sleepless nights and exhaustion and overwhelming insecurity can make it easy to shrink back into your shell and only communicate with friends through Facebook as a new parent. It can be tempting to give up on life temporarily and think to yourself, I’ll get back into the swing of things. Just give me a few months.

I’m telling you from personal experience: Don’t do it. Don’t fall into this trap. Don’t give up on your social life just because you had a kid.

Yes, being a parent can be really hard—especially a new parent—but it’s no excuse for relinquishing your normal life. This statement may seem harsh, but I think it’s time we stop using parenting as an excuse to completely abandon our old interests and friendships.

Another blogger disagrees with me in her post, I Am the Worst Mom Friend:

Sadly, in the midst of a demanding work schedule five days a week then coming home to eat dinner with dada (yes, that has officially become my partner’s name), feeding dinner to Carter and then attempting to keep my eyes open for Game of Thrones, my friends get lost in the middle. It doesn’t help that my iPhone gets taken by my child as soon as I walk through the door.

As I have to bail or reschedule on a friend yet again, I wonder, ‘can a woman really have it all?’ On the times I manage to get a phone call in, my son aware that he doesn’t have my sole attention freaks and comes over to my ear yelling and crying until I say, “I’ll have to call you back.”

So, let’s be clear, I don’t get to text or get to make calls so how am I supposed to maintain my friendships?

This entire scene described by the blogger leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll make one thing clear: She’s welcome to live her life any way she pleases, as I am welcome to live mine. I don’t know her personally, but in my own life, I do not have an issue calling, texting, or emailing friends when I want to. If my kid steals my phone, I ask for it back. If the baby cries uncontrollably, I tell a friend that I will call her back, and then I do it.

The blog author also disagrees with Jay-Z’s sentiment that 30 is the new 20. I completely agree with Jay-Z on this one. We may have more responsibility in our 30s, but I refuse to succumb to the sad stereotypes of adulthood. Your life is what you make it. The 30s may be more stressful than the 20s, but I personally am enjoying my newfound confidence and lessening anxieties as I have risen to the challenges of parenthood.

I’m not saying life doesn’t change after having kids. It does, tremendously. Life after kids is unexplainably amazing and incredibly exhausting at the same time. But that’s no reason to throw in the towel and forget about your old friends. Even the most mundane communication, like a call, text, or email, can keep you in touch with your old life.

This mom stereotype after having kids isn’t good. Moms are known to crawl into a hole and die for the sake of mommy martyrdom. If you feel cast out and neglected by your old friends living it up on Facebook, it’s on you to reach out. They still want to be your friend. They’re just not sure how they fit into your new life.

(Image: Diego Cervo/Shutterstock)