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Brutally Honest Valentine’s Day Cards For Boring Monogamous People

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Valentine’s Day can be downright repetitive when you’re in a long-term relationship. How many times can you buy the same card with the hearts and the flowers and the sunsets before you start feeling like a total phony? That’s why this year, I made some more specific cards, that speak to the special love and honesty that you share in a long-term relationship. It’s the little things that we overlook that make long-term relationships special, folks.

Just bring me some flowers next week.

crap holiday


I love that you know this relationship has boundaries.




The best thing about bedtime is your warm shins.



Actually, it’s not just the gesture that counts. 


Thanks, honey. 




Thanks for ignoring the less-than-glamourous parts.



What’s with this silverware thing? 



You’re the best.

mom(photos: Getty Images)