I’d Side With Gwyneth Paltrow’s Commando Style Over Kim Kardashian’s Prego Black Lace Thong Any Day

shutterstock_131776859It’s time for a game of “would you rather?” brought to you by the recent fashion choices of our favorite mom to hate Gwyneth Paltrow and mom-to-be to hate on, Kim Kardashian.

Would you rather go commando in a full-length fancy dress after having two kids or wear a black lace thong while pregnant?

I’d choose going commando over pregnant thong wearing any day even if it means siding with Gwyneth “Not-As-Down-To-Earth-As-Corset-Wearing-Jessica-Alba” Paltrow.

People love to hate on Gwyneth Paltrow. I get it. Just this week Star voted her the most hated celebrity while People named her the World’s Most Beautiful Woman. I’d argue that neither is completely accurate, but she sells magazines so who really cares?

The GOOPster recently raised eyebrows at the premiere of Iron Man 3 wearing an Antonio Berardi (that’s Italian for side-butt showing) gown that featured sheer black paneling down each side fueling speculation that she wasn’t wearing any underwear under there.

But we really should have seen this coming after her “I’ve got a pretty decent ass” humble-brag, where “a friend” compared her to a stripper.

Chris Martin‘s wife and mother of Apple, 8, and Moses, 6, recently bragged about a compliment she received from a friend on her impressive booty — honed in part by the Tracy Anderson Method. “I said, ‘You know, this isn’t so bad for 40, right?'” Paltrow recalled to reporters on April 4. “And [my friend] goes, ‘It’s not so bad for a 22-year-old stripper!’

Of course she’s talking about the really fancy strippers who probably get vajacials and bleach, not the ones the DudeBros of the world attend.

Showing off her lack of underwear was at least part of the plan, unlike the slew of celebrities flashing their privates unintentionally. I don’t think I’d have the nerve to pull it off, but if the alternative was a thong while I was pregnant, I’d really have no choice.

Kim Kardashian’s “I can get my skivvies in the tabloids too” retaliation has me reeling.

The 32-year-old reality star, pregnant with their first child, wore a super-short, see-through dress during the couple’s outing in the Big Apple. The mom-to-be’s LBD featured sheer paneling that gave a big glimpse of her undergarments.

While climbing stairs, Kardashian held down the back of her dress for modesty, but ended up giving a clear view of her underwear to West, who was following behind. She paired the babydoll dress with studded, black high-heel boots.

And a thong. A black lace thong. Really? I’m not even debating whether it is appropriate to wear a thong when you are pregnant, I’m just saying why would you? It is hard enough to get comfortable during pregnancy, with all the changes your body goes through and the awesome-but-completely-strange feeling of having the baby kicking and knowing there’s a human being growing inside of you. Adding some butt-floss would have just sent me over the edge.

As soon as I threw on my first pair of elastic waistband jeans I went directly to Macy’s and bought myself the cutest underwear I could find in a size two bigger than my normal. All cotton. All full-coverage. I would never have considered buying myself a thong. Or wearing one of my old ones? Even worse! I just can’t comprehend a black lace thong while pregnant. For comfort’s sake woman, go out and get yourself some cute and fashionable maternity wear and stop pretending like you aren’t actually pregnant and nothing about you has changed in the slightest.

In celebrity underwear wars, I’m with Gwyneth Paltrow sheer dress style choice to go commando over Kim Kardashian’s underwear selection of a black lace thong while pregnant. But really ladies, what’s wrong with a nice brightly colored cotton pair — kept under your clothes hidden from the general public’s scrutiny?

(photo: Africa Studio/Shutterstock)

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