Epic Comments Of The Week, As Illustrated By GIFs

Oh boy, there were some amazing comments this week. Well, a lot happened. Kim Kardashian lost her baby weight (thanks baby Yeezus), we found out Jesus and Santa are white (thanks FOX News), there was some slut-shaming of a beloved childhood doll (thanks Jezebel), and there was your usual dose of horrible things happening to women’s rights (thanks Michigan). We had a lot to talk about. Here are some of the best comments of the week, illustrated by GIFs.

This is a joke, right? Maria Guido doesn’t actually exist; “Maria Guido” is a sock-puppet account created by Eve to troll the shit out of us, and she’s at home laughing her ass off at our frustration and loving the fact that she’s an expert-level troll since nobody has realized she’s been doing it until now, right? Because if that’s not the case, and Maria Guido is real, then we have to accept that this whole article and it’s subject matter is also real–that there is really a such thing as “abortion insurance.” And that’s just a reality I’m not cool with, seeing as this is such complete and utter horseshit. So,on that note, nice one, Eve. You’re hilarious! – I figured it out!  Michigan Law Will Require Women To Purchase Insurance Rider For Abortion Coverage

What does the fox say?

Ring-ding-ding-ding RACE CARD! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow WELFARE! Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho ABORTION! Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoff-OBAMACARE!

This just seems par for the course at this point. – Kay_Sue, Fox News Anchor Really Wants Kids To Know Santa And Jesus Are White

 

Eh, my partner doesn’t need porn to be a lousy lover. - Lee, Porn Might Be Making Your Partner A Lousy Lover

 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN SANTA “LIE?!” – Emily Wight, I’m Totally Telling The Santa Lie And No One Can Stop Me

 

I’d rather be the parent of a precocious meth kingpin than a slut shamer. My only regret is that I can’t humble brag about how special my snowflake is, because I don’t have a Facebook account.  - NicknamesAreDull, Polly Pocket Doesn’t Sexually Abuse Children – Sex Abusers Abuse Children

 

When my baby was born we kept joking about who would drop her first. My brother wrote on the whiteboard in my hospital room “Days without dropping a baby: 1”

The lactation consultant thought it wasn’t funny at all, and erased it.  - Kay, The First Time I Dropped My Baby, I Felt Like The World’s Worst Mother

 

What???she’s eating 1000 calories a day. She’s obviously not committed to weight loss. If she were a good mom, she’d just be eating bubbles. – ted3553, Amazingly Brave Kim Kardashian Reveals Her Post-Baby Body And All Is Right With The World

 

Then there was this priceless interaction on Eve’s story, Amazingly Brave Kim Kardashian Reveals Her Post-Baby Body And All Is Right With The World

Cee  I get alerts from US Weekly *shame*. My groggy sleepy self was so confused as to why I got an alert at 5am on Kim Kardashian. I didn’t have my glasses on. I thought she died. 
CMJ  Nope. Just her fat. Her fat died.