STFU Parents: Why Does The Elf On The Shelf Hate Women?

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‘Tis the season to be jolly — and to talk endless amounts of trash about that grinning bastard Elf on the Shelf. Nary a day can go by each December that I don’t receive an email, tweet, or Facebook message from someone complaining about that smug, self-satisfied little elf. This year, I was even #blessed to receive my first Elf Twitter submission on November 30:

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