Pub Jokes It Will ‘Nail Your Kids To Your Table,’ Cue Offended Parents

We’ve all seen the signs some establishments post about what will happen if children are allowed to run loose. The one I think of off-hand is the “unattended children will be given an espresso and a free kitten.” The signs are a funny reminder that a business will not tolerate children running around disturbing their customers. A English pub tried making their own version of the sign this week, and may have missed the humor mark. Well, with parents anyway.


The sign reads, “To avoid accident and injury to your child whilst the little darling is running around this establishment why not hand the little poppet to a member of staff who will be happy to nail it to your table for you!” Oh, boy. The landlady who made the sign says it’s “just a bit of fun” and children are welcome at the pub. Parents are not amused. Some Facebook users are saying the sign promotes child abuse.

The sign may be a little aggressive, but does anyone really think there will be staff members nailing children to tables? The owner of the pub said she saw the sign in a brewery magazine, thought it was funny, and decided to make one of her own. Nikki Brodin explained to The Mirror:

“We’re an old-fashioned pub with real ales and we don’t do food.

“It’s a bit of the good old British sense of humour and there was never any intention to offend anyone.

“The sign has been there since the pub reopened and though it is a bit of fun on a serious note we don’t want any accidents to happen.”

Nikki added: “We certainly didn’t want to ban kids, we just believe in traditional values. It’s just a bit of fun.

“It’s not to offend anybody – we have children ourselves.”

Kids running around pubs or other spaces meant for adults are annoying. I think the sign does a great job of reminding parents that their kids may be disturbing other customers. It seems like this is something you shouldn’t have to tell parents, but it is. There are some moms and dads who seem oblivious to the fact that the world does not want to interact with their kids — especially at a bar. These type of parents ruin it for everyone, and are the reason that signs like this need to be made.

If you look at a sign like this, take it literally, and become offended — that’s your problem. Keep your kids in sight when you are at a pub, or better yet — don’t bring your kids to the pub at all. I’m saying this as someone who loves beer and has kids. I would love to pretend my kids wouldn’t annoy other customers at a bar so I could enjoy a few drinks. But I reside in a place called “reality.”

(photo: Twitter)

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