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8 Lies My Kids Told Me Recently

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5. My teacher said it didn’t have to be exactly twenty minutes of reading.


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You mean, right here on the directions where it says, in bold, “at least twenty minutes”? That’s a lie? How strange that a grown up would lie to children like that. You should talk to her.

6. I don’t like cheese.


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I’m sorry,have we met? I’m your mother. The woman who has seen you order a cheeseburger and eat only the cheese. I don’t know if there’s a vegetable in there or maybe a flake of parsley, but I am going to get to the bottom of this lie.

7. You made a rule that we could have three popsicles a day.


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I did? Really? What a bizarre and arbitrary rule I made! But you would know better than I would. Let’s go have some popsicles.

8. I am looking for a birthday gift for my friend.


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Oh of course you are, pumpkin. That’s why we’ve been in the toy aisle at Target for 45 minutes. This must be a really difficult decision for you. At least you’re making sure all the buttons work and everything. Well, I’ll just have a seat in the corner over here and let you get back to it!

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