If You Are Tripping Balls After Eating Steak, You Probably Bought It At A Walmart In Florida

As if you didn’t have enough to be paranoid about – a Walmart in Tampa sold a family LSD-laced meat last week. LSD. This is beyond horrifying.

A pregnant woman, her boyfriend and her two children started having hallucinations after consuming a “thin cut bottom round steak” that was purchased from Walmart. The woman was nine-months pregnant and had to be induced. Her boyfriend and two children “received tracheal intubation and have since been released from the hospital.” The baby was born healthy and everyone is thankfully okay. This is your worst nightmare that you didn’t know was your worst nightmare.

Can you imagine – you’re nine months pregnant and you have to be induced whilst in an LSD fog? Oh, also your kids and boyfriend are having hallucinations. What the hell, Walmart? The company says the meat arrives at the store packaged and their employees have no contact with the product. Way to shift blame.

Occasionally, I’ll buy my son a fast food cheeseburger and have a momentary flash-back and freak-out about the few kids that died of E. Colli poisoning in the 90’s. Do you remember that Jack in the Box story? For some reason though, when I prepare the meat at home I never have these thoughts – which is dumb because I’ve seen Fast Food Nation. But in every paranoid scenario I’ve ever dreamt up, serving up a tasty steak to my family that was laced with LSD never even crossed my mind. Thanks Walmart.

In addition to the statement released earlier Walmart said that the company has been in touch with the supplier and there are no reports of additional incidents.

The federal and state departments of agriculture have joined the Hillsborough County Health Department and Tampa Police in their investigation.

This is terrifying. How is it even possible that there was only ONE package of meat that was laced? If I shopped at Walmart – which I don’t – I would definitely avoid buying some steaks for the grill.

(photo: Cherkas/ Shutterstock)