Baby Fat: Everyone’s An Expert When You’re Trying To Get Pregnant
At no other time is this saying more true than when you are trying to get pregnant. Once itâ€™s discovered youâ€™re â€œtryingâ€, people will literally cross the street to tell you what worked for them. Or their friend. Or their bossâ€™ wifeâ€™s sister.
For example, my dental hygienist suggested I should eat avocado and tomatoes once I get my period (no explanation given), my mother told me that my husband really needs stay out of hot tubs (we do not own a hot tub) and Iâ€™ve lost count how many times Iâ€™ve been told to â€œjust relaxâ€ (though I canâ€™t remember the last time someone told me to relax, under any circumstances, and it achieved the desired result.)
But whatâ€™s even worse is when the experts have conflicting advice. I feel like there are two fairly distinct camps when it comes to baby making: 1. You Canâ€™t Control Anything and 2. You Can Control Everything!
Below are the answers to fairly common pregnancy questions I asked the three main baby experts in my life: my gynecologist, my acupuncturist and my Irish friend Clodagh* (*obviously Clodaghâ€™s the equalizer â€“ but hey, sheâ€™s never let me down on advice before and sheâ€™s on her third pregnancy, so thatâ€™s gotta count for something!)
7 Common â€œTrying to Get Pregnantâ€ Questions:
ME: Do I need to give up coffee when trying to get pregnant?
Acupuncturist: Youâ€™re still drinking coffee?? Oh boy. We are going to need some extra time for our session today now that I know thisâ€¦
Clodagh: I donâ€™t understand. Why the fuck would you give up coffee?
ME: Do I need to give up alcohol when trying to get pregnant?
Gynecologist: No. But donâ€™t get black out drunk.
Acupuncturist: You are not to touch alcohol until youâ€™ve finished breastfeeding this future baby that we are trying to make. Did you not read the handout I gave you?
Clodagh: Drink â€˜til itâ€™s pink!
ME: How should we be timing sex?
Gynecologist: Buy the ovulation kits and do what it says. It will save you from having to have unnecessary sex.
Acupuncturist: Intercourse only on Day 10, Day 12, Day 14, Day 16 of your cycle. Your husbandâ€™s Qi must regenerate so itâ€™s bad to have sex everyday. Youâ€™ve been having sex everyday havenâ€™t you?
Clodagh: Have sex everyday. What? You have a better idea on how to make a baby?
ME: How soon after sex can I get up and go pee?
Gynecologist: Ummm, I dunno. A few minutes?
Acupuncturist: 20 minutes. I suggest meditating during that time. And make sure you are very calm when you rise as your energy affects all energy.
Clodagh: Get up to pee?! Are you crazy? Thatâ€™s like fixing yourself a perfectly good cup of tea and then pouring it on the floor. Lie on your back with your legs in the air until morning!
ME: Are there any special pre-pregnancy vitamins I should be taking?
Gynecologist: Folic acid.
Acupuncturist: Iâ€™ve prescribed you a list of Chinese herbs and teas that you must take three times a day. Itâ€™s $75 for a weekâ€™s supply but weâ€™ll probably need to increase your amount.
Clodagh: Folic acid.
ME: Can I continue exercising the same way when trying to conceive?
Gynecologist: Yes. Iâ€™m a big fan of not acting like you are pregnant until you really are pregnant.
Acupuncturist: No! Exercise ignites the â€œyangâ€ energy which can overpower the energy needed for conception.
Clodagh: You know youâ€™re gonna get fat anyway right?
ME: Any additional advice you have for me?
Gynecologist: Enjoy the sex while you can. Youâ€™ll never want to do it again after you have a baby.
Acupuncturist: Come in for a treatment once a week. Oh, and use PreSeed!
Clodagh: Enjoy not being pregnant.
While thereâ€™s no clear consensus from my experts on the best way to make a baby, I think that might be a good thing.Â It just give me the flexibility to cherry pick the advice I want to listen to – which Iâ€™m sure I would have done anyway!