Uh-oh! 5 Things I Accidentally Taught My Toddler

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There are probably all sorts of ways I’m parenting wrong that I don’t know about. Things my son will one day bring up to his therapist or life partner as the root of all his problems. I’m blissfully ignorant of those serious mistakes for the time being. As I get ready for year three of parenthood, however, I’m very aware of a few of the ways I’ve unintentionally influenced my toddler’s personality, behavior and sense of humor. So far, it’s just amusing. But it’s also evidence that, oh, yeah, this kid is learning things every second of the day, and I’m responsible for how he turns out. Does that fact ever stop being scary?

Here are just a few of the things I’ve accidentally taught my kid:

1. To call his dad by his first name.



The first time my husband walked in the door and my son yelled, “Allen!” was one of the funniest moments of my life. This is probably due to the number of times I’ve called out his name in panic/exasperation, but the cuteness of this hasn’t worn off yet. While we correct him every once in a while, we’re not really discouraging it either.

2. To throw his food until we feed him what he wants.

feeding dog


Listen, I know I’m doing this wrong. I’m supposed to do something like feed my picky eater the same thing I’ve made for myself and keep serving it to him until he gives in or goes hungry. But A) when am I supposed to cook this meal for the family by 6 pm? And B) whoever made up this method clearly didn’t have a dog.

3. That farts are funny.

iguana fart


Well, they are. Especially in the bathtub.

4. That being upside down is the best form of entertainment.

upside down spidey


If this boy grows up to be a trapeze artist or sky diver, it is totally my fault. The way he giggles when I hold him by the ankles, or pretend to drop him, is too irresistible to stop.

5. That he’s the center of the universe.



One child is honestly all I can handle. I’m doing my best not to spoil him or be a pushover, and I promise to teach him how to share. Still, I really, really like this guy. I can see all sorts of only-child personality traits forming already. At least he’ll be able to entertain himself with all that farting and swinging upside-down.

(Image via Shutterstock)