Couple Trying for Four Years to Have a Baby Find Out They’ve Been Doing IT All Wrong

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So, we’ve talked before about the importance of comprehensive sex education in this country. We’re not educating our young people enough when it comes to sex and reproduction! That’s why we have the CDC telling people not to wash and reuse condoms, for fuck’s sake. It’s a real problem, with far-reaching consequences. But it’s not a problem that is limited to this country. If this insane story about a couple from China who had trouble conceiving is any indication, this is a world-wide scourge.

This is a true story, you guys. And the fact that I had to say that means you know it’s going to be good. Sex education is so important, as we’re about to find out.

A young couple from China sought the advice of a doctor when they were having trouble conceiving a baby. They’re in their 20’s, been married for a bit, and had been trying (unsuccessfully) to get pregnant for four years. FOUR YEARS becomes very important pretty soon.

The couple went to the doc, explained the issue, and talked to an obstetrician. During that conversation, it was revealed that the woman had, for some time, found intercourse to be rather painful. That in and of itself is not super surprising! Plenty of women experience pain and discomfort during sex, for a variety of reasons. Some of those reasons could even explain their trouble with conceiving, like endometriosis or PCOS.

An examination was done, and turns out, the woman was fine! Well, maybe fine is not the right word. She had no reproductive issues. The problem was … well, they’d been using the, uh, wrong hole. FOR FOUR YEARS.

hole GIF

Image: Giphy

For four goddamn years, the couple had been having regular sex, and no baby! Which makes sense when you learn that for the past four years, they’d been having regular ANAL sex. Now, I’m no doctor, but I’m preeeeeetty sure you can’t get pregnant … in the butt. That’s a long, dark road for a little sperm to travel. A road less traveled, if you will. Over the hill and through the woods, even. All those little swimmers lost forever in that treacherous terrain. Four years of anal sex, trying to conceive a baby. I just … it’s too much.

I have no idea if the constant driving the wrong way down a one-way street sex was intentional, or just heat-of-the-moment mistakes. But once they learned that the penis goes in the vagina, they conceived a few months later. Whether or not that’s good news, considering the four years of anal sex with no baby thing, I’ll leave up to you, dear readers.

(Image: iStock/AntonioGuillem)