10 People Horrified By Their Vaginas During Pregnancy

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swollen vagina during pregnancyDo you know what cheeseburger crotch is? If not, then you’re lucky but not for long because I am about to ruin it for you in an attempt to get some company in my nightmares.

Cheeseburger crotch was apparently coined by someone that has no regard for those of us that love cheeseburgers, and it refers to the appearance of a swollen vagina during pregnancy, where the justification for the term seems to be that you looked like you shoved a cheeseburger down your pants.

Suffice to say, that is NOT the image that I conjure up when I say “cheeseburger” and follow it immediately and blasphemously with the word “crotch”.

I learned a lot about my body while I was pregnant, mostly by reading books and watching shows you should never watch while you’re knocked up, like Special Delivery. So I knew there was a chance that my ladybits might swell. Apparently not everyone is armed with this knowledge and it ends up terrifying them.

1. Spread-eagle 


I’m constantly baffled by the number of people who Google first, call the doctor later. I mean, I Google all of my Ebola symptoms, of course, but I stop short of taking medical advice and asking for medical advice online. On the other hand, I can think of lots of ways to avoid sex when you’re pregnant. Like uttering the words, “Touch me and die, mothertrucker.”

2. The bumps


While a vascular vagina is undoubtedly very confusing if you’re not expecting it, I think what confuses me the most about this is the sheer number of people that actually found this helpful.

3. But do they get looser?


The best advice that I think anyone can offer this poor, confused preglet is to GTFO of the horrible relationship in which she finds herself.

4. Vaginal lip that is.


Yahoo never lets me down when it comes to people getting verklempt about the state of their health. I do appreciate the clarification in which lips this woman was talking about though.

5. What causes a very swollen vagina?



6. With four question marks, so you know it’s serious.


I like the open-endedness of the last question: …any thoughts? If that isn’t an invitation to troll than I just don’t know what is.

7. You are a hole.


Okay, so this lady isn’t actually horrified, but I think we can all appreciate the succinctness of her plea to her vagina.

8. Hey, do any of you internet strangers have a medical degree?


These just seem like oddly specific medical questions that you would really want to ask a doctor. I mean I am really lazy, but even I have my limits.

9. Chubby labias. 


I would so much rather ask total strangers about my girlfriend’s fat, gross vagina than just ask her. LOL.

10. This one has it all.


I don’t have much more to add. Ladies? Advice?

(Image: Monster Puppets)