At-Home Paid Potty Training Is The Next Parenting Gold Mine

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I am not shy about how little I am looking forward to potty training my oldest son. He is over two, and he has shown minimal interest in the potty so far. Changing diapers is kind of annoying, I’ll give you that, but I just can’t muster up the enthusiasm to legitimately train him to use a toilet and deal with days, weeks, or months of accidents.

I am not filthy rich, but if I had more disposable income, I would truly consider booking a “potty training consultant.” In the parenting world, if you can think of it, then it probably already exists. I know there are plenty of hands-on tasks that parents are supposed to willingly take on in order to rear their young, like feeding, diapering, and disciplining, but why does potty training have to be one of them?

Again, I don’t have the extra cash to throw away at this time, but I did find an adorable potty training class called—punnily enough—Booty Camp. Within the menu of services, the potty trainee and parent are provided with an instructional DVD set. It gets better. Private classes are available by appointment only to offer “toilet training in a day” from an RN with an extensive medical background.

Seriously, sign me up for one of these consulting “moments,” as they are called. Private classes include parental coaching and behavioral modification. There’s also school integration and additional hands-on assistance, if you are so inclined.

I am so on board with this. I’ve read about one million parenting books related to every kind of baby behavior—feeding, sleeping, walking, tantrums. I am so sick of studying baby schedule charts and scouring baby food recipes to provide the most beneficial enrichment to my young. I don’t want to potty train. I want somebody else to do it for me. I don’t want to read a book about it and learn a new potty training technique. I just don’t want to.

Now that my pathetic mom tantrum is over, I may have to start setting aside some “fun money” so that I can save up 150 clams for a potty training telephone consultation. It’s a sad, sad day when I consider potty training instruction to be fun, but I calls it like I sees it. I can’t imagine anything more fun than someone else potty training my kid for me.

(Image: Blaj Gabriel/Shutterstock)