8 Non-Traditional Milestones Parents Are Really Looking Forward To

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When you become a parent, you inevitably start looking forward to various milestones: first steps, first word, first missing tooth. Those are sweet and all, but there are other milestones to daydream about; milestones that don’t appear in the books or on the message boards. They’re the ones you think about when you’re yanking 8 pairs of dirty socks from beneath your child’s bed. They’re the ones that make your parental duties just a tiny bit easier. Here are eight non-traditional milestones parents really look forward to:

1. When they’re old enough to clean a toilet.


Go clean your own disgusting bathroom, Kid. Maybe even clean mine while you’re at it. After all, you owe me.

2. When they know how to make coffee.


If you’re going to wake up when it’s still dark outside on the weekends, the least you could do is get the coffee going before you come jump on my head. I mean, that’s just common courtesy.

3. When they start hating Caillou.


This will be me when that sweet, sweet day finally comes. Sure, it probably means they’ll want to start watching obnoxious and wildly inappropriate teeny-bopper shows, but we’ll worry about that later. I’m keeping my eye on the prize.

4. When they can clean their own room. Without a clean-up song.


“Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere. Clean up, clean up, do it yourself while I go take a nap or you’re grounded.” What? Is that not how the song goes?

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