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8 Non-Traditional Milestones Parents Are Really Looking Forward To

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When you become a parent, you inevitably start looking forward to various milestones: first steps, first word, first missing tooth. Those are sweet and all, but there are other milestones to daydream about; milestones that don’t appear in the books or on the message boards. They’re the ones you think about when you’re yanking 8 pairs of dirty socks from beneath your child’s bed. They’re the ones that make your parental duties just a tiny bit easier. Here are eight non-traditional milestones parents really look forward to:

1. When they’re old enough to clean a toilet.

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Go clean your own disgusting bathroom, Kid. Maybe even clean mine while you’re at it. After all, you owe me.

2. When they know how to make coffee.

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If you’re going to wake up when it’s still dark outside on the weekends, the least you could do is get the coffee going before you come jump on my head. I mean, that’s just common courtesy.

3. When they start hating Caillou.

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This will be me when that sweet, sweet day finally comes. Sure, it probably means they’ll want to start watching obnoxious and wildly inappropriate teeny-bopper shows, but we’ll worry about that later. I’m keeping my eye on the prize.

4. When they can clean their own room. Without a clean-up song.

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“Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere. Clean up, clean up, do it yourself while I go take a nap or you’re grounded.” What? Is that not how the song goes?

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