having a baby

20 Reasons Why New Parents Are The Most Annoying People You Will Ever Meet

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I always tell my husband that I wouldn’t wish that first year of parenting on my worst enemy. Whenever friends pop out a baby, I’m overwhelmed with happiness for them, and I simultaneously cringe and pray that they will have the fortitude to make it through this time of trials and tribulation.

Being a new parent isn’t that bad, but it will put you through the wringer. Maybe that’s the reason why new parents say and do the darndest things. New parents are likely to post one million baby pictures on social media within one month of popping out their miracle creation. We also know that new parents are some of the worst Facebook offenders, as evidenced by STFU, Parents.

New parents, I have been where you are, and I don’t technically hold it against you. You’re probably so sleep deprived that you don’t know what you’re saying half the time, and you likely won’t remember how many times you hit “post” to Facebook within the course of a day.

This doesn’t change the fact that new parents can still be really annoying. The first step is admitting you have a problem:

1. The overload of pictures on social media.

2. The automatic reflex to share the same baby pictures in person.

3. The over-share of bodily fluids, online and in person.

4. The mommyjacking of any conversation.

5. The humblebrags, oh, the humblebrags.

6. The not-so-humble #proudmama brags.

7. The constant use of “mommy” and “daddy.”

8. The accidental-on-purpose slip of baby talk.

9. The crowdsourcing for medical advice.

10. The accompanying pictures of horrendous rashes.

11. The constant complaining about the baby.

12. The constant praising of the baby.

13. The constant reference to lack of sleep.

14. The photo documentation of monthly milestones.

15. The loving blog recap of monthly milestones.

16. The passive aggressive comparing of monthly milestones.

17. The inability to understand that all babies eventually learn to walk, talk, and roll over.

18. The vaguebooking after a “tough night” with the baby.

19. The last minute cancellation of plans.

20. The inability to remember former, child-free interests.

(Image: DmZ/Shutterstock)