What The Fruck? My Son’s Accidental Cursing Is Out Of Hand
My fifteen-month-old son has one word in his vocabulary. Heâ€™s the strong silent type, or heâ€™s just fucking lazy, and chooses to point at whatever he wants, instead of using words. This is a blessing in disguise, in one sense, since I have one pre-teen daughter, two pre-teen stepdaughters who chat non-fucking stop, and one yappy dog. Unfortunately, the one word in my sonâ€™s vocabulary is â€œFuck.â€
Now, you COULD assume that mommy uses that word A LOT while sheâ€™s driving and heâ€™s in the back seat and you COULD say that maybe heâ€™s overheard that word one too many times. But the fact is, he didnâ€™t learn it from me. The fact is, â€œFuckâ€ is what he calls his â€œTrucks.â€ Rather he says, â€œFrucks,â€ but to most people, who overhear him say this, it sounds remarkably like â€œFuck.â€ Also, unfortunately, my little dude needs to take his â€œFrucksâ€ everywhere. To me, all I hear is â€œFruck! Fruck! Fruck!â€ To others, all they hear is â€œFuck! Fuck! Fuck!â€ Iâ€™m kind of lucky, if you can believe it. My awesome co-writer/editor on this site, the much-loved Eve Vawterâ€™s son, used to love dump trucks and when referring to his beloved dump trucks, it would come out as, â€œDumb Fuck!â€ So, now I find myself saying to everyone around me, when my son is off on his, â€œFruck! Fruck! Fruck!â€ tangent, which is always, because there are always trucks on the street, or mini trucks in his hands as toys, I tell everyone, â€œHe means TRUCKS!â€ as I hang my head, knowing that others are â€œtsk tskingâ€ me for assuming Iâ€™m using foul language all the time around him.
Sure, he babbles â€˜mamaâ€™ and â€˜dada,â€™ but his most oft-used word is â€œFRUCK!â€ I love when little kids canâ€™t pronounce words. There was an entire year when I made my daughter say the word â€˜yellow,â€™ because she would have me in stitches by saying, â€œLellow.â€ Over and over again Iâ€™d say, â€œWhat color is that?â€ pointing at something yellow. And sheâ€™d scream out, â€œLello!â€ Which was frucking adorable! But not so much with my son. I mean, what am I going to tell him when he grows up? â€œYour sisterâ€™s first word was Baba for bottle,â€ and yours was, â€œFruck?â€ Which sounded like FUCK?â€ So, here I am, honestly wanting to cover his mouth every time we go out in public, because, really, who wants to see a little guy out whose only word is â€œFruck?â€
At home, however, Iâ€™ll admit, itâ€™s a different story. I love to appall people, especially my parents. They came over to visit and I held my son and pointed at one of his toy cars and said, â€œWhatâ€™s that?â€ Of course his answer was â€œFruck!â€ and to my aging parents, who are becoming hard of hearing, it DID obviously sound like â€œFUCK!â€ Iâ€™ll admit I loved seeing their mortified faces, before I told them thatâ€™s how he says â€˜Truck.â€ I have one friend who had to take her son to the hospital when he was three, because she was making a hot blended drink when the top flew off and her son was hit with hot liquid. The doctor asked her son, then three, how it felt and her three year old answered, â€œIt hurt like a bitch!â€ I found this story hilarious because, come on, it is funny when kids swear. The difference is, obviously my friend used the word â€˜bitchâ€™ around the house a lot and her son picked THAT word up from her. I didnâ€™t teach my son to say, â€œFuck.â€ Thatâ€™s just how he pronounces his most beloved possessions. Today, my son has said â€œFruckâ€ about twelve times and itâ€™s not evenÂ noon. Anyone in my house, who didnâ€™t know us, would think, without a doubt, he was saying, â€œFUCK! FUCK! FUCK!â€