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40 Utterly Hilarious Tweets About Marriage

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It’s like summoning a spirit with a chant.

Remember the Bloody Mary chant from when we were kids? If you stood in front of a mirror and said Bloody Mary three times, she would appear and murder everyone or bring candy or your period or something. A husband sitting on the couch and saying out loud, “I have nothing to do today” is the marriage equivalent of the Bloody Mary summons. Buddy, there is NEVER nothing to do. Saying it out loud just gets you a honey do list a mile long. You have to perfect the art of appearing to be busy while actually not doing a damn thing.

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