16 Ways To Not Be A Worthless Dad On Your First Day Home With A New Baby

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Operation Don’t Be A Worthless Dad starts before you even leave the hospital. Women and children first, pops!

jon favreau car GIF

Image: Marvel

Your partner isn’t going to be walking out of that hospital. Even if she could, them’s the rules! Patients are to be wheeled out in a wheelchair. Which means you have several jobs. You need to take care of the discharge paperwork, while your partner gets herself ready (very slowly). You need to pack everything up while your partner gets the baby ready (again, very slowly). Don’t forget to steal all the free samples, she’ll be pissed if you don’t. Then, you are to take the bags to the car, and pull the car around to the loading bay. Now, this is where it gets tricky. You need to carry the baby IN THE CAR SEAT out to the car, while simultaneously pushing your partner’s chair. Then, you are to safely secure your most precious cargo in the car (listen for the clicks!), and FINALLY, you are to gingerly help your partner up and into the car. Then you can begin the drive home (SLOWLY).

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