These Are The Most Hilariously Crappy Wedding Cakes Of All Time
There’s so much that goes into planning the wedding of your dreams. And the great thing about weddings is everyone’s dream wedding will be different! Small and intimate or huge blowout, if it’s what you want, it’s perfect. But seriously, the planning can get crazy. There’s the guest list, the venue, the flowers. You need to pick a dress, makeup, shoes, and hair. Couples spend hours coming up with the perfect first dance song, plus a song list for the actual party. Then you have to pick food and decor and so many other things! But let’s get real for a second: the star of any wedding is going to be the cake. Your cake needs to be pretty, and it needs to taste good. And it needs to not be one of these crappy wedding cakes.
It’s a sad fact of wedding planning: you can do your due diligence, but somewhere along the line someone is going to screw up somehow. Maybe your dress isn’t ready in time, or the DJ forgets to bring your first dance song. Maybe the caterer forgets you have 20 guests who don’t eat meat and only prepares chicken or fish. It could rain, all over your outdoor wedding! Things go wrong, unfortunately. But few things go wrong as hilariously as cake fails. Crappy wedding cakes are definitely one of those wedding disasters that are easier to laugh at than, say, your mom getting drunk and passing out at the reception. We’ve found some of the funniest crappy wedding cakes around, and hooboy are they bad.
Crappy wedding cakes are the pinnacle of expectation vs reality.
You see the most perfect wedding cake online or in a magazine, or even in a baker’s portfolio. And you think, “THIS IS THE CAKE I MUST HAVE!” So you order the cake, and rather than get a three-tiered beauty with sugar flowers, you get a mound of cake with wonky piping work. Crappy wedding cakes happen, but this is one of the worst. Those roses are just stuck in that cake with no rhyme or reason. It’s like the cake designer realized their creation was going to fall way flat and took their frustrations out with some flower stabbing. Yikes.
We’re not professional bakers, but we’re guessing the cake shouldn’t be cracking like that.
People who don’t know or understand cake and cake decorating might not understand that there’s a BIG difference between a baker who knows what they’re doing, and one who does … not. There are some things in life you just shouldn’t try to cut corners on, and judging by some of these crappy wedding cakes, cake is one of them! That’s not to say an expensive cake can’t be crap, or a cheap cake can’t be amazing. But in most cases, you get what you pay for, and we have a feeling this couple did not pay for a lumpy cake with cracked fondant that was collapsing in on itself. Thank goodness for rescue cake artists who can save the day!
Generally speaking, unless your cake is meant to resemble the Leaning Tower of Pisa, it probably shouldn’t lean.
This is one sad wedding cake! As we said, we’re not professionals, but the way it sinks down on that one side is not a great sign. There’s dowels in the cake and everything, so who knows what went wrong here! We wonder if it was a friend show offered to make the cake and save the couple some money. Super nice gesture, but the execution leaves much to be desired. It just goes to show you – there’s a big difference between even the best home baker and someone who makes cakes for a living. The random bunches of baby’s breath are an … interesting touch.
Deconstructed wedding cakes aren’t really a thing.
Not all crappy wedding cakes start out that way – sometimes the ride to the wedding is just a bit too much for them to withstand! We imagine it’s hard as hell to transport an actual cake, especially one that has multiple tiers. This poor cake was delivered to the venue in more pieces than there would have been once the damn thing was actually cut. Hopefully someone hid it from the bride before they thoughtfully pieced it back together. The final result is a really good cake. So this just goes to show that you definitely need to have someone at your wedding who can Frankenstein a cake in the event it falls apart.
This cake is about to sink faster than the Titanic.
Oh dear. We can absolutely see how cute this cake could have been. Beach-themed wedding, ocean blue with seashells, two beach-goers as toppers. Adorable! But somewhere along the line, this cake was shipwrecked. The lopsidedness of the cake is bad enough. But the woman topper appears to have been cut in half, and her top half is in a very precarious position in front of her groom. The groom looks pretty happy about it? But we have a feeling this was not the cake topper scene this couple was going for when they came up with the idea. The scandal!
Crappy wedding cakes often look nothing like you imagined they would.
Now, this cake doesn’t look all that bad when you compare it to some of the other crappy wedding cakes. But in the caption, the poster says she requested three tiers and no piping for her wedding cake. Now, this cake here is nowhere near three tiers, and good god could there be any more piping?! The cake was delivered an hour before the wedding, so not a lot of time to attempt to do something to salvage it. Pro-tip: if you’re a cake decorator and someone requests a certain cake, make that cake or tell them you can’t make it. But don’t pipe an entire cake and tell the bride it’s what she asked for.
Oh … oh god.
Where do you even begin with this cake?! We suppose we should start with the obvious: that is not how you spell “CONGRATULATIONS”. Cong-va-tula-tions? What the actual hell is that?! Also, in the caption of this photo, the poster points out that she did not, in fact, marry someone named Anthong. Thank god, right? So we’ve got two very obvious spelling mistakes on a wedding cake. Now shall we address that this does not look like a wedding cake? This is a cake from a baby shower held in a church basement. This is a grocery store cake with incredibly bad writing on it. This is a spectacularly bad wedding cake.
Wedding cake? Or used maxi pad? You be the judge!
OK, this is one of the crappiest wedding cakes we have ever seen. It doesn’t even look like a cake! This looks like a crime scene. It looks like blood spatter from one of the true crime shows we binge watch. This is a cake Dexter would be happy to give and/or receive. We think it says “Felicidades Erin y Ryan”, which makes sense because the poster says it was from a destination wedding in in Cuba. However, the guy who shared it was the groom, and his name is … not Ryan. So not only did someone try to pass this bloody mess off as a wedding cake, but they wrote the wrong damn name on it.
Hot sun and buttercream frosting do not mix.
When you’re planning a wedding, you think of all the big things and plan for those things possibly not going right. Outdoor wedding? Always have a rain plan, even in the middle of summer, because that’s the one time it’ll rain in July. Invited 200 but only got 120 RSVPs? You can bet your ass the other 80 will probably show up. Beach wedding? You need a seagull plans. And, as this cake demonstrates, you need to take into account that the sun is, in fact, hot. And buttercream is, in fact, made with butter. What happens when you put butter in the sun? Well, an entry on our list of crappy wedding cakes is what happens.
Thanks! But it’s not my birthday!
All this poor couple wanted was a beautiful cake to celebrate their special day. No, not THAT special day. This is what happens when you order a wedding cake over the phone. Things get misunderstood, misheard, and completely miss the mark. “Happy Birthday” is not the sentiment you’re going for on your actual wedding day, even if your wedding day happens to be your birthday. How do you even make this mistake, though? “Congratulations” does not sound like “Happy Birthday”! We would love to know how the person who took this phone order heard wedding cake and took that to mean birthday cake.
Just tilt your head, it’s fine. IT’S FINE.
This is one of those crappy wedding cakes that actually gives us anxiety, LOL. Because it’s not all the way crappy, not yet. In fact, we’re pretty sure this cake was, at one point in the evening, extremely pretty! But then, little by little, things started to … shift. The slide is almost imperceptible at first. Could be your eyes playing tricks on you, or too many glasses of champagne. But then it keeps on slippin’ and slidin’, and pretty soon, you realize your beautiful wedding cake it about to become an absolute cake fail. You see this cake, and you immediately move the cutting to the beginning of the reception, dinner be damned. Cut it now or eat it off the floor.
Some crappy wedding cakes are almost too crappy to be believed.
There is … a lot to unpack here. This is a wedding cake, made to look like the bride. The bride standing there looking at this thing like it’s actually offensive. And you know what? It kind of is! We have no idea if this was the couple’s wish, to cut into a life-size cake version of the bride and then EAT THE BRIDE. We cannot possibly wrap our heads around this being the case, but different strokes for different folks. The most outrageous part of this cake is that the front of the dress looks like a giant slice of pepperoni pizza. Like, once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
Fancy some dongs on your wedding cake?
We see where this was going, and we feel awful for the couple whose vision went so wildly off the rails. They clearly wanted a castle, perhaps to go along with their fairy tale wedding dreams! But instead, they got this white mess of a wedding cake covered in seaweed and dicks. Because those are 100% dicks. You can’t possibly look at this and see anything but a bad castle covered in penises. Can you imagine the look on the bride’s face when she say this dick cake for the first time? Her parents had to sit there and watch her cut into dongs. Someone had to eat those dongs. This belongs in the Crappy Wedding Cakes Hall of Fame.
Like Jaba the Hut, but make it cake.
How do you even have the goddamn nerve to try and pull this off as a wedding cake? It barely resembles actual food. This is just a mound of some sort of pastry, covered in what appears to be fondant but could be toothpaste, and garnished with dead-looking pieces of wilted lettuce. This is not a cake. This is someone’s nightmare come to life. If cakes could make sounds, this one would say, “BLUUUUUUUURGHHHH” and then probably belch and scratch itself. Some of these crappy wedding cakes are pretty bad, but at least they resembled actual cakes. This just looks like a pile of dog poo that’s been in the backyard too long so it’s bleached white by the sun.
Someone tried to charge money for this.
Well at least they tried. We’re not sure what exactly they were trying to do, but they did try something! Anyone who’s watched even one episode of a baking show on the Food Network knows you have to apply a crumb coat BEFORE you can full frost a cake. And your frosting has to be a consistency at least somewhat resembling actual frosting? You can frost a cake in paste, try as you might. This entire cake is a disaster, from the shape to the structure to the string of pearls they tried to gussy it up with. Put lipstick on a pig and all you have is a pig wearing lipstick. The cake topper is a nice and wholly unnecessary attempt to save this cake fail.
Oooooh, so close!
This is one of those crappy wedding cakes that tried so hard to be a good wedding cake! The inspiration picture is cute, and we can totally see where this baker or cake designer was trying to actually make it. But close only counts in horseshoes. Which, incidentally, is what should be thrown at this cake to put it out of its misery. The black design is sort of … there? Not right, but it’s there. Points for showing up to the big game, guys! A tilted tier cake like this should only be handled by professionals, and if the person who made this tries to sell themselves as some sort of professional, they are sadly mistaken.
