The Existence Of An $85,000 Pacifier Makes Me Doubt Humanity

shutterstock_116497486Do you have $85,000 burning a hole in your pocket and a new baby? You are in luck! One of the most absurd luxurious baby items ever made is on the market and ready to be purchased by someone who has no concept of the value of a dollar and no soul demands the best their offspring!

What is it, you ask? A solid platinum pacifier. Every new baby needs one of those. Mmm…. soothing. Crafted by jeweler Matt Case, it weighs 250g and is five times as pricey as the last “most expensive pacifier” on the market, which was made of white gold and valued at $17,000. Why? Why does this exist?

Mr Case said: “We wanted to make something that would stand out and something that was completely unique. That’s why we decided to take an everyday object and put our own spin on it so the platinum dummy was born.”

I used to think these items were just for show, until I stumbled upon the site, Rich Kids Of Instagram. Have you seen it? Well, now you have. Don’t hate me. It may leave you questioning your place in the universe and/or humanity as a whole. These kids have money. A lot of money. And a lot of stuff that may seem totally ridiculous to us common folk. The point is – these kids totally would have been sucking on one of these. I’m sure their kids and their kid’s kids will enjoy one of these precious heirlooms.

I joke to keep from crying, but I think it’s a little sad that someone would actually consider purchasing such a worthless symbol of status for a child. Ugh. It’s not as bad as the gold-plated AK-47 I saw while succumbing to the time-suck that is the Rich Kids of Instagram.  I hope you have a few hours to spare and a good sense of humor. You’re going to need it.

(photo: Michael Kraus/

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