Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The Royal Spawn Has Arrived!
Start mixing those Pim’s Cups and take the rest of the day, HELL NO, the week off because the royal spawn of The Duchess Of Cambridge Kate Middleton and her handsome Prince William has arrived! The baby is reportedly a boy! We have a prince!
This is all of the information we have for now because the palace is being so damn sneaky about these things but we shall update you when more information is available.
Until then, let us all put on our very best fascinators from Harvey Nicks and debate whether Kate is whipping out her royal boobs for the first feeding or a diamond encrusted baby bottle and if she had all sorts of magical drugs whilst expelling the baby from betwixt her royal thighs! Will Kate be gnawing on the royal placenta? Did she get a post birth snack of some sort of magical delicious fancy cupcakes? I wish we knew all the most important things like what sort of hospital gown she delivered in and if she daintily uttered some royal curse words whilst in transition!
Are you excited? ZOMG we are so excited.
The Prince of Wales has said in a statement:
â€œBoth my wife and I are overjoyed at the arrival of my first grandchild. Â It is an incredibly special moment for William and Catherine and we are so thrilled for them on the birth of their baby boy.
Grandparenthood is a unique moment in anyoneâ€™s life, as countless kind people have told me in recent months, so I am enormously proud and happy to be a grandfather for the first time and we are eagerly looking forward to seeing the baby in the near future.â€