Anonymous Mom: Quitting Breastfeeding Was The Best Decision I Ever Made

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3. “Even when she latches, I don’t feel the attachment that I’ve read about. What is wrong with me? I must keep doing this until I feel the spread of warm love and attachment GOD DAMN IT. I think she’s giving me a blister. Sonofabitch!” Listen, I’m here to tell you that I spent an inordinate amount of time worried that I wasn’t going to attach to my baby because I didn’t feel the “normal” and immediate rushes of hormone-induced attachment I’d read about. It’s ok. Not everyone does. Breastfeeding doesn’t make it happen or not happen. You’re just a different kind of normal than the one you read about on breastfeeding sites.

4. “Formula smells like sour milk and metal. This can’t be ok. Is this ok?” Yes. It’s FINE. Many people of our generation (including me), were given formula. Yes, breast milk is best. No, you will not kill or hurt or maim your baby with formula. Do you ever plan to give your child McDonald’s or anything fried or chocolate covered? Formula is better than all of that. OK, that might not be based in science or anything even realistic, however, it is one of the things that helped me get through. Regardless, rest assured that people have been giving their children formula for decades without ill effects. As I type this, little Norah is formula-drunk on my shoulder and as happy as can be.

5. “This is because I quit breastfeeding! I suck.” Said by me every time Sydney or Norah spit up, cried from gas, got baby acne, etc. etc. etc. Bullshit. If you live your life like this, you’ll be miserable – coulda, shoulda, woulda … you’ll never know what’s causing any of the negative things, but rest assured that breastfed babies have the same ailments that formula fed babies do, because they’re BABIES. It’s not you. Chill.

6. “My boobs are KILLING me. My body is fighting against me quitting. Maybe I should quit quitting and try again. Nature knows better than me.” (Said every hours for four days from beneath a multitude of sports bras and prescription-strength ibuprofen as my milk dried up.) If the phrase “listen to your body” applied postpartum, I would also have quit having bowel movements, laid in bed all day while my newborn screamed, and dove into in a bed of ice when night sweats hit. After you have a baby, your body is telling you nothing other than “What in the hell do you think you just did to me? Give me a goddamned minute here. Just one goddamned minute to figure out how to fix all this shit that you broke.” It is basically rebelling against everything as it tries to recover from incubating and then birthing another PERSON. Don’t let your rock hard boobs guilt you into continuing something that you know isn’t right for your and your family. Guess what, body, you’re not getting that medical degree or nobel prize either, so Shhhh.

Quitting breastfeeding was one of the best decisions I made, both times, for my sanity, and my relationship with my baby (and husband). It’s not for everyone. I have mad, crazy, “how the shit did you do that” respect for ladies who make it through, and I hate quitting more than anyone. But sometimes, it’s not about you. And that is the best thing you can remember. Get out of your own head. IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. Handle your business, shake a bottle of formula, love on your baby, and for Christ’s sake, get off the KellyMom site. You can do it.

(photo: Getty Images)

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