10 Things Not To Say To An NICU Mom
1.Â “What did you do?”
I smoked a heap of crack, screwed every man that walked by, moved houses for fun, ate cold lunch meat, and rode horses like The Lone Ranger. Really?
Moms who have their babies early are under a mountain of guilt. Many feel like failures because they did not carry their baby to term. Sometimes, she didn’t do anything! It just happened. Don’t make her feel worse.
2. “She just couldn’t wait to be born!”
Oh I thought babies who were readyÂ for the world could breathe on their own, be held, not require lines into their arteries,Â blood tests every morning,Â X-rays twice a day….I mean, really, tomorrow she will be off to college!
3. “Is he going to make it?”
I don’t know! Thanks for reminding me.
4. “YouÂ don’t even lookÂ like you had a baby!”
Yes, not only am I not walking around with my new baby, I don’t even look like I have one. Thaaaanks.
5. “At least you can sleep while baby is in the hospital!”
No, probably not. NICU moms spend most of their time camped out inÂ NICU and chained to a breast pump eight hours a day. When they are home trying to sleep, they are haunted by guilt because they aren’t with their baby. Or they are worriedÂ that their babies are crying unattended. Or they are up waiting on the hospital to call and give bad news. Ain’t no rest for theÂ NICU mom.
6. “Your baby will come home and it will be like nothing ever happened.”
NICU moms are at risk for severe PPD and/or PTSD. The stress of having a baby in the hospital can put a huge strain on a couple’s marriage. Many preemies require reflux medication, glasses, occupational therapy, speech therapy, have cerebral palsy or brain damage from birth, need feeding tubes, have issues eating solid foods, etc. NICU is not a place where babies just gain weight, go home, and live happily ever after. Many parents grieve on their child’s birthday. NICU stays can leave head spinning emotional scars. Don’t assume all will be well after discharge.
7. “At least you didn’t get to the third trimester and have to be uncomfortable.”
I promise you I would have stayed 41 weeks huge for two years if it meant my kid didn’t have to go to NICU.
8. “At least you had an easy labor.”
So small baby means easy labor? Say that to a pPROM C-sectionÂ mom who spent a week scared shitless trying to keep her baby in until 29 weeks and see how long it takes her to smack you senseless. Or cry, which Is very likely.
9. “It’s like you have a free babysitter!”
No, it’s more like I have given up my parental rights to a team of medical professionals who are paid through my insurance company that charges me hundreds of dollars a month to save my child’s life. I never chose for these people to take care of my child, and if they were babysitters I promise you wouldn’t use them. They pick my kid up to feed him or prick his feet. That’s about it.
10. “Oh your baby looks like a normal baby!”
Really? Did you expect to see a disfigured reptile?
This is a reader submission.