Childrearing
10 Reasons You Should Avoid Breastfeeding In Public Places
Women who want to breastfeed when outside of their home may also quickly find themselves outside of their comfort zone: they seem face a lot of challenges from nosy passers-by, rude waitstaff, and the occasional ogler. Babies need to eat when they need to eat, and women who want to nurse in public have every right to do so. But have you ever considered that maybe there are some good reasons you shouldn’t nurse in public? Here are ten possibilities you might not have thought about.
1. Because you are a vampire and going out in public during the day could cause you to spontaneously combust.
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Why risk it when you can nurse safely in the comfort of your coffin at home?
2. Because your milk ejection happens with the force of an actual fire hose.
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The people at the table across from you ordered their coffee without cream, thank you very much.
3. Because you gave up showering and bathing for Lent last year, and never went back.
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Only your shirt is holding your underboob cottage-cheese aroma at bay.
4. Because you gave birth to a baby shark with the full complement of baby shark teeth.
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Don’t breastfeed in public. Don’t breastfeed anywhere. Unless you want to be left with a couple of raw meatballs to stuff back into your nursing bra.
5. Because instead of breast milk, you produce weapons-grade uranium.
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 Unless the other people at the park wore their lead suits, in which case you should feel free to proceed as usual.
