The 8 Types Of People You Will Meet On Halloween
Some parents like to stay home to hand out candy on Halloween, others of us end up as trick-or-treat chaperones. Whether you loathe the assignment, love reliving your childhood through your kids, or are just there to filch some candy, the players are usually the same year after year. If you are taking your kids out trick-or-treating this year, here are eight of the types of people you’re bound to meet.
1. The Grandma
She insists you come inside her house, where she presents you with hand crafted packets of unwrapped candy. Sweet as the gesture is, you will inevitably toss these because no one under 70 likes hard candies that taste like fake strawberry.
2. The Competitive Brat
This little shit races past your group to get to the front door first and doesn’t even bother to say thank you. You resist the urge to trip him, even though you want to, because you are trying to be a good role model. Let’s hope the ungrateful brat gets all the cavities.
3. The Clueless Infant
Sure, she’s adorable and all, in her pink bumblebee costume, but your kids have been waiting patiently for the last five minutes as she tries to fish a Snickers out of the plastic cauldron. Can’t Dad step in already? We all know he’s stealing that candy later anyway.
4.The Judgy Mom
Two houses down, you spot that mom from the PTA who seems to hates you for no reason. Her kids are decked out in fancy handmade costumes, complete with safety lights and warm underclothes that coordinate with their outfits. You hustle your Target clad clan across the street and try not to make eye contact.
5. The Jerk Who Likes To Scare Kids
Maybe he jumps out of the bushes with a chainsaw, maybe he answers the door in a terrifying mask. Either way, this dude is a tool who probably peaked in high school. Grab an extra fistful of candy from him, you deserve it.
6. The Anonymous Candy Donor
This angel of sugar leaves a giant vat of namebrand candy on the steps like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. There’s a sign asking you to “Please take one.” Even though you don’t see anyone around, you worry that this may be a giant Youtube prank in disguise, so you sadly follow instructions.
7. The Creeper
Maybe its the wolf decor you glimpse behind them covering every surface of the living room or maybe its something in their uncomfortable laugh. Either way, trust your gut and donate that candy to the nearest dumpster.
8. Idiot Teenagers
Some teens are great on Halloween, just out for a night of wholesome fun and free candy. Others aren’t so innocent. A pillowcase and rubber mask do not a Halloween costume make, and you’re not fooling anyone with the backpack, which is clearly filled with eggs and toilet paper. Move along, scamps.
(Photo: Shutterstock)