Pregnant ladies take a lot of crap and it’s awful because it’s during a time in life where a woman should only hear the good things. Your feet hurt, you’ve got crotch and boob sweat, you’re growing out of shirts left and right- this is a time where you need sunshine blown up your ass as much as possible, even if much if it is not true. You don’t want people asking if you are sure it’s not twins because you are so huge. You don’t want to hear from anyone that your face looks “different”. And you sure as hell don’t want to be stopped from rambling about all the fun baby stuff you have going on. It would be nice if everyone could just stick to this script and make every pregnant lady’s day!
1. You are ALL belly!
No pregnant lady wants to be the Violet Beauregarde of pregnant ladies. I was. It sucked. And I LOVED it when people humored me and told me I looked tiny and adorable anyway.
2. Let’s go get you a snack!
Snacks are Happy Times for everyone but when you have a pregnant lady near you it is always a safe bet to offer her a snack.
3. No, your face is not swollen at all!
I could see in the mirror that my face was chubbier when I was pregnant but I still bought it when kind friends and family members fake-marveled at my pregnant cheeks exclaiming that it hadn’t changed AT ALL!!!
4. Want to go out for ice cream?
This needs no explanation whatsoever.
5. How about I rub your feet?
My husband is normally all skeeved by feet in general but when I was pregnant, he relented and it was the best ever. Pregnant feet are frequently in pain. Having them rubbed is amazing.
6. Why don’t you go take a nap?
This is even better than the foot rub. Sleep is a pregnant lady’s BFF.
7. You barely even look pregnant!
Again, may be totally untrue, but most pregnant ladies are dying to hear it. So, say it already.
8. YES, please tell me all about your nursery/baby registry/birth plan!
We talk so much here on Mommyish about how no one wants to hear about a lot of the exciting things going on in a pregnant lady’s life because really, they are only exciting to her and a select few friends and family. Make a pregnant lady’s day and ask all about the mundane stuff that every pregnant lady loves to talk about! It’s like, a good deed.
9. Your baby’s name is BEAUTIFUL.
No matter how ridiculous it might be, all pregnant ladies want to hear that the name they’ve picked for their spawn is the most glorious and magical name you have EVER heard. Just say it- it won’t hurt anyone and you’ll make her day!
10. Let’s order tacos for dinner!
Please note that this is not limited to pregnant ladies. We all want tacos every damn day.