Holidays

STFU Parents: Parents Who Are Doing It Wrong On Social Media This Christmas

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2. Dear Little Jewish Boy Who Ruined Everything

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It’s appropriate that a woman named Mary wrote this lighthearted yet firmly worded rant against a 6-year-old for telling her daughter that Santa isn’t real. My favorite part is when she says her daughter’s older brother told her that Santa HAD to be real because “there was no way mom and dad would buy all those gifts.” Except, well, yes there is, because that’s exactly what happens. And Santa is fake. He’s a fictional character that every child – every single child — is going to find out isn’t real someday. Heartless Jews like me have known this information for a very long time (since birth, basically), and oh yes, we are a comin’ for your little ones! Not ready to give up the magic? Lie to your children at all costs, even when it means gift wrapping your lie within a lie and then sticking a peppermint Santa hat on top? Well, don’t let them meet this kid. Or Zeke. Or any other kids who fancies eating potato products and apple sauce. They know what’s up.

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