This Father’s Day, Thank Dad By Not Calling Him An Idiot
According to a Pew survey, more than one in four children is separated from their father. That’s not good for many reasons, among them that children raised by single parents are more likely to suffer in poverty, have less education, and have a harder time escaping their socioeconomic situation.
Fathers are important and awesome and there’s no shame in acknowledging and celebrating that fact. Particularly since when they mess up or skip town, the results tend to be disastrous (barring tons of hard work and a few good breaks).
So at a time when we should be encouraging fathers to stick around and play an active role in their child’s life, why does so much of the cultural messaging condemn fathers as incompetent? At a time when more dads than ever are absent, it’s idiotic to suggest that staying with your family means you’re a bumbling idiot who can’t order a pizza or who breaks the toilet every time you try to fix it.
My husband, who is very funny in addition to being our family’s main financial provider and someone who loves to care for his children, has a theory about why fathers are always the punchline to every sitcom and ad. He says that comedy requires a target and while most every class of people has been declared off-limits when it comes to poking fun at them in advertisements (this goes for pretty much every minority out there), making a middle-class (or any class, really) dude the butt of your joke never offends anyone. In a way, it’s a compliment and a testament to the stable roll that fathers play in our culture. They’re less likely to get their panties in a twist or otherwise offended than many other groups.
But this year, finally, after what seemed like decades of this mockery of fathers, I think we may be seeing the end of the bumbling dad caricature. My colleague Shawna Cohen explained the kerfuffle earlier this year when Huggies had amajor misfire with an ad campaign:
The ”Dad Test” campaign, posted on Facebook and geared towards men, was meant to be funny. The idea behind the campaign, according to Huggies, was to prove that Huggies diapers and wipes can handle anything. As the ad’s narrator explains, ”We put them to the toughest test imaginable: Dads, along with their babies, in one house, for five days.” They showed hopeless, overwhelmed dads in cliched scenarios (i.e., watching sports, neglecting their babies) as their wives get their nails done and sip tea (how original).
Well, let’s just say that viewers were not amused (and I don’t blame them one bit). They flocked to Facebook with claims they’ll never buy Huggies again, and even created a petition called ”We’re Dads, Huggies. Not Dummies,” at Change. org (so far, around 1300 people have signed it). Huggies quickly responded by apologizing, pulling the ads and replacing them with new ones that show dads sitting in gliders and rocking happy babies in their laps.
The Washington Post wrote“we are witnessing the beginning of the end of the long-standing image of the bumbling dad.” I can only hope so. But this is about so much more than what advertisers or sitcom writers do.
This is also an issue for us for mothers.
Is anyone else sick of hearing fellow mothers complain about their husbands? I don’t really care what it is that they’re complaining about, but there is just far too much negativity shared publicly. It’s almost like some women are only comfortable if they’re “joking” or making snide remarks about their husband’s lack of competence.
It stands to reason that some men will not match your skills in the kitchen, baby-minding and house-cleaning categories. So what? One of the best lessons I learned with our first child was that while I wanted my husband to do everything differently, I realized he had to figure stuff out on his own (from my sleep deprivation, I don’t quite remember how I learned this). Sure, I thought he was doing everything wrong from diapering the baby to getting her to sleep. But because he was able to figure out his own style, that baby now quite a bit older knows her daddy can feed her, clothe her and comfort her through thick and thin.
Again, I know some fathers really aren’t generous with their time or devotion to their children. My husband would be the first to admit that he’s got room for improvement in many categories. But we don’t love fathers because they’re perfect. We love them and respect them and show them support because it’s what we should do even if they’re human and mess up time to time.
And rather than denigrate whatever it is that we think they’re not doing well, how about we focus on all the wonderful things they do? I’m thankful for my husband for literally fathering our children. For only complaining about a diaper change a handful of times a truly remarkable feat. For reading to our children every day. For working hard to provide for us. For taking us to church each week. For being willing to watch the girls whenever it’s needed. For keeping us safe. I’m thankful that he became a good driver turning on a dime the day he drove us home from the hospital after the birth of our oldest. I’m thankful he thinks about their welfare. I’m thankful he cares about their education. I’m thankful simply for the time he spends with them including the dinners we eat together each night and the walks we take afterward.
(Photo: Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock)
