I’d Rather Change Diapers Forever Than Potty Train

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child on pottyWhen my kids first started eating solids and I saw the by-products, I thought the time for potty training couldn’t come soon enough. I envisioned trading my diaper bag for a chic little purse and daydreamed of adding the diaper bill money back into our monthly budget. But now that the time to start potty training has finally arrived, I’m more confused than excited. There’s a million different methods for potty training and no clear consensus on which way is best or how long the process will take. Suddenly changing diapers doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.

I had heard anecdotally that boys potty trained later than girls and twins tend to train later than singletons, so even though my boys just turned two, I thought I had at least another six months before we started potty training. I envisioned putting the potty outside on the back deck this summer and letting them roam naked like tiny ship wreck victims, where I could easily hose away any “misses” and avoid having to do a ton of laundry.

But instead it’s now, in the dead of winter, that my kids are protesting their Pampers, and Dr. Google says if I don’t try to potty train them RIT NOA while they are showing interest, I could miss my chance. While the internet is clear that I’m a crappy parent if I don’t start potty training immediately, beyond that there are a million and one ways to go about potty training, and I have no idea which one to pick.

Some methods swear by letting your toddler roam the house naked so you can see when they are going and race them to the potty. But it’s just me at home and I’m outnumbered 2 to 1 by my kids, so unless the cat grows some opposable thumbs to help out, that’s going to get real messy real fast.

A more realistic plan I read about is for me is to have the kids wear pull up diapers, and then place them on the potty at regular intervals. But critics of this method say pull ups are ineffective for potty training because a child wearing one won’t realize when he’s wet. I could go buy every single size 2T toddler underpant Target has in stock, but I don’t know if they’d do better with boxer briefs because they are like “Daddy’s” or if the ones with characters on them are the way to go.

Besides deciding how to go about getting them on the toilet, there’s the issue of how to reward them when they actually go. Some parents say the only thing that worked was candy or a sticker chart, others tell me giving gifts is bribery and you should just stick to singing and dancing. I’m all about that bass, and giving one twin a gift without giving something to the other seems like a one way ticket to tantrum town, so I’m on board for the song and dance routine, That is, of course, until I read that no matter what reward method you chose, you have to be sure it’s not too exciting for the child, because otherwise they could become overly critical of themselves if they fail to make it to the bathroom and have an accident. So… golf claps?

I know kids don’t graduate high school wearing diapers, and eventually we will figure this all out, but for now I’m hesitant to put down my diaper bag and pick up a plastic potty, especially since I’m not sure if it’s worth getting one that plays music when you flush.

(image: Saklakova/