Childrearing
Anonymous Mom: I Chose Single Motherhood & Have Been Branded A Shitty Mom Ever Since
Anonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.
I chose single motherhood. Although I was in a relationship when I got pregnant in 2002, my son was only really wanted by me. His father and I would chuckle about how the combination of our genes would result in an interesting child: he has ADHD and I suspect that I am on the low end of the Autism spectrum. When I really did get pregnant, it wasn’t as funny.
As soon as I saw the red bar on the pregnancy test I knew I would be doing this on my own. There were no tears, just a sigh of “here we go.” I had my then-boyfriend’s support, but not for long.
My son, now nine, has asked me over the years whether I wanted a baby, and I always tell him “yes.” In fact, I’d wanted a baby from age 25; I was 28 when he was conceived. I had just started graduate school and was working for myself from home. Despite the complexity of my situation, abortion was not an option I was willing to entertain. I am pro-choice, but I knew that I could never personally go through with an abortion. It would destroy me psychologically. At 28 I figured I was old enough to raise a child. I was done with partying and enjoyed being at home, so staying in with a child was not a huge leap.
No matter how much I wanted my son, and his father didn’t, I could have never predicted the ill treatment that would come my way following his birth.
About a month after my son was born, his father had an emotional breakdown. The verbal abuse started followed by the physical threats. He stopped working and just two weeks after my son was born I was freelancing again to support the family. Four months later, my son and I were removed from the home by police.
I did not get any congratulations or flowers for keeping my baby.
