I Was A Sanctimommy Because I Was Compensating For The Prestigious Job I Had Just Walked Away From

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carinnjadeI thank my lucky stars that Blair Koenig hadn’t yet started STFU Parents when I was a new mom, because I would definitely have been a prime candidate.  When my first born was an infant I wrote Facebook statuses like:

I wish I hadn’t taken those 3pm coffee breaks for granted, now I’m a slave to the baby’s schedule!

As if I couldn’t get coffee without the permission of my newborn.


Baby’s up from his nap, time to do the alphabet again – bye Facebook!

Translation: my baby is so smart because I spend hours a day talking to him and teaching him one-on-one while your kid is being ignored by his nanny or catching a virus at daycare.

Or the worst:

I used to handle multi-million dollar deals and now I can barely handle a squirming baby trying to throw himself off his changing table while getting a new pack of wipes.

I’m sure I threw in a LOL or equally annoying acronym to deflect the anger and frustration in my tone.

I said these things not because I was trying to be a jerk, but because I had something to prove.

Before my son was born I had a big office, prestigious title, and a thriving career.  After — I was holed up in a small apartment in the dead of winter with a colic baby and a position that anyone with a uterus could achieve.  I was deflated, isolated in a neighborhood where all the mothers worked (or were really rich), and overwhelmed by tasks I was sure would come as natural as breathing to me.

So I did what I had done my whole life when I was feeling insecure: I studied.  I read every parenting book, emailed La Leche League with every question, and subscribed to every educational parenting blog I could find. When you know your stuff, you feel confident, you feel prepared.  Knowledge is power, right? That was what I needed.  Too bad I took it and went on a power trip to a destination far far away from reality.

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