Childrearing
I Was A Sanctimommy Because I Was Compensating For The Prestigious Job I Had Just Walked Away From
I thank my lucky stars that Blair Koenig hadn’t yet started STFU Parents when I was a new mom, because I would definitely have been a prime candidate. When my first born was an infant I wrote Facebook statuses like:
I wish I hadn’t taken those 3pm coffee breaks for granted, now I’m a slave to the baby’s schedule!
As if I couldn’t get coffee without the permission of my newborn.
Or:
Baby’s up from his nap, time to do the alphabet again – bye Facebook!
Translation: my baby is so smart because I spend hours a day talking to him and teaching him one-on-one while your kid is being ignored by his nanny or catching a virus at daycare.
Or the worst:
I used to handle multi-million dollar deals and now I can barely handle a squirming baby trying to throw himself off his changing table while getting a new pack of wipes.
I’m sure I threw in a LOL or equally annoying acronym to deflect the anger and frustration in my tone.
I said these things not because I was trying to be a jerk, but because I had something to prove.
Before my son was born I had a big office, prestigious title, and a thriving career. After — I was holed up in a small apartment in the dead of winter with a colic baby and a position that anyone with a uterus could achieve. I was deflated, isolated in a neighborhood where all the mothers worked (or were really rich), and overwhelmed by tasks I was sure would come as natural as breathing to me.
So I did what I had done my whole life when I was feeling insecure: I studied. I read every parenting book, emailed La Leche League with every question, and subscribed to every educational parenting blog I could find. When you know your stuff, you feel confident, you feel prepared. Knowledge is power, right? That was what I needed. Too bad I took it and went on a power trip to a destination far far away from reality.
