being a mom
Scary Mommy: 25 Questions Only Moms Ask Themselves
Before becoming a mom, I had never asked the question, â€œIs it okay for this child to use my sock as toilet paper?â€ Or, after my two-year-old sprinkled her great grandparents ashes in her hair, I asked, â€œHow much soapÂ doesÂ it take to get human remains out of someoneâ€™s hair?â€ The answer: A lot. But I have asked these questions, now, and I can never go back.
Here are 25 other questions that I never knew I would be asking once I became a mother:
1. Is that chocolateâ€¦ or poop?
2. Oh crap, will anyone notice that Iâ€™m wearing two different shoes?
3. Can a baby actually suck your life force out through your boobs?
4.Â Ketchup totally counts as a vegetable, right?
5. How is it that I have a college education and I can not solve this second grade math problem?
6. Wrestling this person into her clothes counts as cardio, right?
7. Did my mom hide in the bathroom, too?
8. How long can a kid survive on just toast?
9. Is it possible for my ears to explode from the shear amount of words that have been stuffed into them?
10. Is sheÂ reallyÂ being nice, or does she want something from me?
11. How long until someone actually dies from lack of sleep?
12. I donâ€™t have to put new makeup on if I didnâ€™t wash off the stuff from last night, right?
13. What, exactly, is the octave of scream that will shatter glass?
14. Does my husband really sleep that soundly, or is he full of shit?
17. How much do I really care about enforcing this rule at this moment?
18. Did I put a bra on?
19. Do I have enough reserve patience to let her help me put these ingredients into the bowl?
20. Oh God, didnâ€™t my mother used to say that exact same thing?
21. How did I not know that I am a complete control freak until he decided he has to pick out his own clothes?
22. Was Google placed on Earth just to scare the shit out of me?
23. Was I this annoying?
24. Am I irreversibly screwing up this kid?
25. Who the hell am I?
Related post:Â 21 Things That Make Momsâ€¦ Moms
This post originally appeared on Scary Mommy.
About the Author…
Joelle Wisler is a writer, mom and occasional physical therapist. She lives in the mountains in Colorado and likes to run the crazy trails behind her house but is terrified of getting eaten by a mountain lion. This year she co-producedÂ Boulder’s Listen To Your MotherÂ show and she blogs about motherhood at 8500 feet atÂ joellewisler.comÂ You can also like herÂ FacebookÂ page, Running From Mountain Lions.
(photo: rs2studio/ Shutterstock)