being a mom

10 Patriotic Drinks To Help You Celebrate Your Freedom To Get Tipsy

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Probably the best thing about holidays and long weekends is the fact that people get way less judgey about you if you decide to have a few drinks. I guess there’s also the part about hanging out with your family, but mostly it’s the drinking.

The fourth of July, in my opinion, is an excellent time to try out some new cocktails. It’s my least favorite holiday. Now, I love me some freedom as much as the next person, but the rest of the day is just chalk full of stuff I can’t stand. For one thing, there’s heat, which is actually most of my entire problem with the fourth of July. For another, I live directly on the park that puts on a fireworks display every year.

This is awesome on one hand because I don’t have to go anywhere to see fireworks, and horrible on the other because people stick around the park and my neighborhood late into the night, shouting stuff about ‘Murica and shooting fireworks off until somewhere around two in the morning. 

It’s the reason earplugs, and delicious fourth of July cocktails were conceived of in the first place.

1. The Blueberry Coconut Sparkler:

For those of us who enjoy rum.

2. Pop Rocks Jell-o Shots

Okay, two things about this. One, Jell-O shit. Two, fizzy stuff.

3. The Sparkler

This one promises to be “like a firework” in your mouth. I’m just going to skip the sex joke here.

4. Red, White, and Blue Sangria

Sangria is the classy lady’s drink.


5. Patriotic Strawberry Daiquiri

Strawberry daiquiris are basically already patriotic, just add some whipped cream and put in your belly.

6. The SAIA Salute

This one uses an egg white and Patron, so you know they aren’t fucking around.

7. The Rocket Pop

It’s like a Bomb Pop only better because alcohol.

8. Red and Blue Shooters

I don’t really love any shooter that uses dairy, but I’m betting I could make an exception if enough Pop Rocks were involved.

9. Fourth of July Cooler Cocktail Popsicles

Everything is better on a stick, and that includes alcohol.

10. The Yankee Doodle

This uses two types of Vodka. TWO.