I Lie To My Kids About Lots Of Things And You Are Lying If You Say You Don’t Lie

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After I wrote about lying to my kids about the fireworks (still NOT going) I started thinking about a comment one of you made, which was:

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And ya’ll know what? I AM an untrustworthy liar, at least when it comes to my kids, because this comment made me realize how often I DO lie to them! I lie to them on an almost daily basis! And I have been doing this for years! And when I tweeted a link to my article, two of my friends replied back to me and I realized I am definitely not the only mama out there doing this.


I have TOTALLY done this too, but now that my kids are older it’s more of me saying something like:

I have NO idea why all of your DVR’d episodes of Adventure Time have vanished from the DVR, maybe it is broken. 

When in reality, I totally deleted that shit because I needed to make sure there was enough room for The Anna Nicole Smith movie on Lifetime. My pants are sooooo on fire.


This doesn’t work so well now that my kids know how to charge electronics, but you better believe that game controllers have been magically “lost” for a day or their batteries taken out when I want them to play outside instead of jumping down cartoon sewer pipes. Sure, sometimes I tell them the truth and explain I want them to get fresh air, but sometimes I have no good reason and I just want them out of my house so I can watch my DVR’d The Anna Nicole Smith movie on Lifetime. Other lies I have told? Oh let me count them…

 Of course HE is real


( Pressmaster/shutterstock)

Only my eldest no longer believes, but I have not come clean to my younger ones yet. And when asked, I lie my pants off. I say things like “Oh come on, how would your father and I be able to do all this (and then I gesture like a gameshow hostess to the magical array of presents ) in one night? ” And I change the subject. And give them some cookies.

Same with this guy 



And this lady


 I have told them I have NO idea where certain items of clothing are 
A pair of shorts that are too short and tight on my daughter? One of my son’s gross oversized, stained, thread-bare T-shirts? I have NO idea where they are. Did you put them in the wash? Did you leave them somewhere? I have NO idea, wear something else. (and yeah, they are totally festering at the bottom of a garbage bag)
I have NO idea who ate the last ice cream sandwich 
It was me, while watching The Anna Nicole Smith movie on Lifetime, and it was awesome.
Stop knocking on the door, your father and I are doing taxes 
Or planning an upcoming birthday. Or discussing your grades. Or talking about wallpaper. My kids don’t have to know why exactly we want to be alone. Sometimes I tell them we need grownup alone romantic time but sure, I have been known to tell them we are in the bedroom with the door locked because we are planning the grocery list.
It’s not like I would lie to my kids about something important and that would cause them damage in the future, but I just don’t feel the need to be open and honest with them about every single thing that goes on at all times. I don’t lie to them to hurt them, sometimes I just do it because it’s easier than going into a lengthy explanation or having my reasoning met with debates. I’m extremely open and honest with my kids, but yeah, I totally lie to them. Even if they are just “little whites” like the fireworks being cancelled they are still technically lies. And if you parents aren’t doing the same thing, then you know what I think.