Bad Mom Advice: Your Kid Keeps Picking Their Nose And Rubbing It On Walls So You Should Probably Just Move

largeWelcome to my weekly Bad Mom Advice column where I attempt to answer all of your parenting questions as only I know how — with zero degree in early childhood development, but with the experience of raising four kids and not having any of them in prison – yet! Plus, I back all my advice on numerous scientific research, which may or may not include me making fun of your dumb kid behind your back and drinking a bunch of wine! Welcome to Bad Mom Advice!

My 5 year old won’t stop picking his nose, all the time. his doctor says there is nothing wrong with his sinuses so there is no medical reason. he doesn’t get nosebleeds or anything but he always has dried up boogers on his bedroom wall next to his bed and I’m so sick of cleaning it. I have told him picking his nose is dangerous but he does it all the time, and his teachers have even commented on it. I’m worried other kids will start picking on him and kids at the playground have run away from him when he does it and called him gross how do I get him to stop? Please don’t use my name.

Oh man, I hate kids. Haaaaate them. I hate your kid too. Your kid is gross. Sorry, but your kid can’t come over for a playdate until they get rid of this totally barfy habit. Gross gross barf gross can you return him? Trade him in for a new kid? Make him wear mittens all the time? Use handcuffs?  Sell your house and buy a house without snot on the walls?  I can’t help it, I’m so squeamish about stuff like this. OK, cough, now that I have composed myself let’s move on. First of all, move his bed away from the wall. He is five-years-old, as long as he is not in a top bunk of a bunk bed if he rolls off his bed in the middle of the night he will be fine. Give his room a thorough cleaning and tell him you are redecorating. Get a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser (I do not get any paid sponsorships for mentioning this amazing product, but if the Mr. Clean people want to send me a case of these they totally can, because I love them so much) and make your son help in the removal of his dried nasal fluids from the wall. It won’t be fun. And when he complains that it is not fun explain to him that he needs to remember this the next time he uses his bedroom wall as a giant tissue. From now on, if he has to pick his nose he is only allowed to do it in the bathroom. Buy extra Kleenex. Whenever you catch him shoving a finger where it does not belong , hand him the box of tissue and send him to the bathroom. If he continues to do it in public, pull him aside and explain that you have to leave so he can pick his nose in the bathroom in private. Hopefully he will start to realize that playing in the park is more fun than picking his nose and he will curb this nasty habit.

I assume because you spoke to his doctor about this he isn’t doing it out of stress so I won’t get into that, but you may wanna start paying attention to see if he starts doing it when he is tired or bored or for some other reason. I hate to see kids being picked on, but of course kids will pick on him due to his picking and I can’t really blame them, because it’s gross. At least he isn’t eating his discoveries. Kids are so gross. Even my gorgeous and beautifully behaved daughter currently has an empty celery stalk container housing three sad looking fireflies on my coffee table at present, even though I told her that all bug friends live on the patio. We all go through gross phases with our kids, and you are not alone. We just really want you to make sure your kid washes his hands constantly. Good luck!


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