I’m Seriously Considering Drinking My Own Breast Milk So I Don’t Get Sick On Christmas

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stk74140corFrom what I’ve been told, breast milk has magical, mystical properties and is the true elixir of all health. When my baby had a weird, crusty eye, the Internet told me to squirt some breast milk in it—and voila!—it was magically better. I’ve also noticed that my breast-fed baby gets way less sick than my toddler son who brings home all kinds of plagues from daycare.

There’s something else I’ve noticed in my two years of parenting. Kids seem to always get sick on holidays and important occasions. If you want to do something fun, say go to the park on a Saturday afternoon and get out of the GD house for once, you can bet your kid’s college fund that they will turn up sick on Saturday morning.

But it’s almost Christmas! This is the first holiday season in two years that I haven’t had a baby sucking the life out of me and kicking me from inside my womb. Translation: This is the first holiday in two years that I’m not pregnant, and it’s cause for celebration.

I really, really don’t want anyone in our house to get sick to ruin my awesome holiday. My seven-month-old son is on 50/50 breast milk and formula right now, so he’s probably good to go. I have my toddler hopped up on all kinds of healthy supplements, like probiotics, and I’ve been mixing breast milk in his food too.

I really am this close to doing the same for me and my husband. I’ve never tried breast milk before, and to be honest, it kind of grosses me out. My husband is also equally freaked out by my beautiful bodily fluids, and he refuses to use breast milk in his coffee. (The nerve!)

When I was whinging about the potential for a sick family over the holidays, Eve showed me this interesting/frightening “cocktail challenge.” Apparently, this bartender and new father used both infant formula and breast milk in some of his cocktail creations. I wouldn’t go so far as to froth myself up a breast milk latte, but I have to admit that “spiced breast milk bubbles” sound kind of yum.

I’m not going to commit fully to drinking my own breast milk to survive, but I will say this. If you pop by my house for a holiday cocktail this year—watch out.

(photo: Getty Images)