If You’re A Rich, Gorgeous Woman Who Happens To Have A Few Kids Laying Around, Read

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mother-magazineWhere are all of the parenting sites for rich people? We always get screwed. I don’t give a fuck about practical advice regarding what to feed my child or tips on breastfeeding! I want to see other pregnant women in heels, walking the cobblestone streets of SOHO. I want endless photo spreads regaling a bunch of expensive, impractical things like indoor swings. Where are my people? – Mother Founding Editor, Katie Hintz-Zambrano

Okay. Whatever. That’s not a quote. But it should be. Former fashion editor of Marie Claire and Details has started a new parenting website, Mother, because she “realized there was a major void online for parents like her.” Translation – the masses of all of you women reading parenting sites aren’t stylish or rich enough. Since Gwyneth Paltrow never had the wherewithal to launch GOOP Baby – the market was wide open for Mother.

“It’s the first really cool motherhood site providing both inspiration and information on a daily basis,” she explained to People Magazine:

Along with three new articles a day, readers can expect a website full of fresh content ranging from celebrity profiles (did you ever wonder about Jessie Baylin‘s favorite adult eatery) and eco-friendly toy round-ups to vegan snack ideas for kids.

I don’t know who Jessie Baylin is, so no – I never wondered that. Eco-friendly toy round-ups and vegan snack ideas are probably great – but all of a sudden I have this strange eye-twitch. Three new articles a day! How will anyone read all those?

“We’re really looking to set ourselves apart from the pack by … tackling real issues that every mom experiences,” Hintz-Zambrano tells PEOPLE.

I want to believe this sentence but I don’t. Mostly because of the following things.

1. There is a whole section on indoor wooden swings.

indoor wooden swings

Kind of like this, but this one is from UrbanKaleidoscope.

2. There is a feature devoted to “Mom-Friendly Flats” and this is one of the pairs:

Fay Metallic Leather FlatsLoeffler Randal Metallic Leather Oxford, $350

3. There is a pregnancy “street style” section filled with the thinnest pregnant women I’ve ever seen in heels.

I’m not even going to bother showing you this.

4. This dress was on their postpartum dressing tips page:


LIttle White Lies Skater Dress, $219

Yep. A white dress with pleated hips would look great on most postpartum women – as evidenced by this totally postpartum woman in the picture.

It’s like Pinterest and Vogue had a baby, and this baby is Mother magazine. If you can get beyond the high-fashion sense every, single page has, you may actually enjoy some of the style tips. There’s definitely a market for this – and I may even be in it, but only on days where my self-esteem is totally intact.

(feature photo: Pinterest/